


Rainbow Love.

by Thepresidentofrussia23



Category: Blue Bloods (TV), Cobra Kai (Web Series), Cobra Kai (Web Series) RPF, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Established Relationship, F/M, Head Injury, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, One of My Favorites, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Statutory Rape, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2020-10-25 20:48:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 27
Words: 24,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20730530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thepresidentofrussia23/pseuds/Thepresidentofrussia23
Summary: Jamie Reagan's love isn't limited to one gender or one person, so why should he?Turns out he could afford to lose a lot when playing with the flames of love. Come too close and you will get burnt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brihana25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brihana25/gifts).

> Happy Birthday Jamie "Jamison" Reagan

Jamie Reagan was born as the youngest son of a family of cops. He was born on a blustery October 21st of 1978. He was raised to be a good, quiet and obedient Catholic boy and he grew up with Daniel Reagan, Erin Reagan, and Joseph Reagan. Their family was large and loving, yes they got into fights and scraps, but the Reagans all came together to stand by each other, no matter what the circumstances were or what they were all going through. All would drop everything and support the Reagan in need.

Jamie's mom eventually died of breast cancer while he was in high school and it plunged him into a severe depression and he was unable to focus on his schoolwork. Lately he had been questioning his sexuality, he always had been a faithful Catholic adherent, but after that incident that happened in a church all those years ago in conversion camp, he withdrew and decided not to tell anybody about his sexuality or the fact that the Bishop had raped and sexually abused him over the summer of '88 and he shut himself in his room. His room was like a cave, a room of safety where he could think and think and not be judged ever since he tried to come out to his father and it was all a disaster. 

Jamie noticed that he had an attraction towards men and women, he didn't really care about the gender, he mainly cared about the personality of the person that was within the body that the soul was inhabiting, his heart could go towards both genders and yet it slightly repulsed him. His entire childhood was based on the entire lie that love was only for heterosexual couples and that God made us the way he wanted to make us and that we were perfect and all that. If that was the case, then why did he feel attracted to both men and women, he reasoned. Jamie then stopped believing in God or any of the nonsense that they preached at churches, he stopped praying around the time he entered community college and studied to become a trauma surgeon, a clear and clean break from the family tradition of being in law enforcement, none of the family ever knew about his decision and Jamie lied to them that he was going to be a police officer. Even Joe was shocked when he saw Jamie come home one morning in bloody scrubs and a stethoscope and a white lab coat draping his shoulders and the massive black backpack and laptop bag weighing him down and he collapsed and fell asleep on the bed, too tired to even go and take a bath and clean himself of the blood pathogens and Joe removed his shoes and lab coat and scrubs and cleaned him up as best as he remembered from his own blood pathogens training and then put a blanket on him and deeply sighed. 

Jamie woke up three hours later and yawned and saw his brother Joe sitting in the kitchen saying

"When were you gonna tell me that you were gonna become a doctor Jamison?"

"I...How did you know that I was gonna become a doctor in the first place?"

"A older brother knows. Plus you stumbled in as if you were drunk and then you passed out in your bed, not even bothering to decontaminate yourself. Bloodborne pathogens are dangerous Jamie."

"I am so sorry I did that. Look, I was afraid of how you guys would react. Last time I tried opening up to dad, I was sent to conversion therapy and it didn't go well as he thought it would."

"What do yo...oh...you are...gay?"

"No, I'm bisexual, but that's another story. Regardless. I was forced to memorize bible passages and my devices and things were taken away and they would make us watch films on demonizing homosexuality and how it was a sin and how the devil would be leading us to hell like he did to Sodom and Gomorrah, they made me feel very nauseated and I would throw up all the time at different times and you know what's worse? They put me through electroshock therapy thinking that it would work on people like me, it didn't, I was meant to be this way. If all of God's creation is meant to be perfect, then isn't being bisexual also is perfect?"

Joe scooted over and held the weeping Reagan, his body shook with sobs and tears as the older man held his brother tight to his chest, as if he could shield him from the bullets of the world, but the truth was, it was too little, too late, Jamie was broken and alone and in pain and there was not much Joseph could do about it but pray for him that he would heal from his trauma and heal from his pain and the scars that were left behind because of the so-called therapy.

What none of them ever realized that Jamie's life was on a collision course with two other people that would make his life complete. 


	2. Excuse me while I go save lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos, it really helps inspire me to keep going

Jamie Reagan by now was in medical school and was ever busy with patients that had been accident victims, especially the ones who possibly couldn't make it through surgery, he always had a kind beside manner for his patients and was there for them everyday that he could, he took great pains to make sure that each patient was satisfied with their care and he tried his best with everyone, even if they were grouchy and rude to him. It always made Jamie smile when he saved a person's life and was able to make their life better.

Surgeries were tricky and difficult because it meant that he had to dive deep into his patient's bodies and try and fix whatever was wrong in a short amount of time, it was often nerve wracking and stressful, but he soon learned to embrace the stress and the rush of the situation and to help stitch up the person as soon as possible. He learned to embrace the good and the bad aspects of every situation and to help remedy the situation as soon as he could. Medical school was expensive and he was going to Johns-Hopkins medical school, Jamie was in a extremely prestigious school and he was gaining a wealth of knowledge that he never had before. Joe Reagan by this time was investigating child sex crimes in the arch-diocese and he was horrified about the allegations that he was reading about. It shook his faith in being a Catholic very deeply, he wondered if this was the sort of hell that Jamie went through and he refused to speak about despite Joe begging him to open up.

Danny was also transferred to the sex crimes unit since more allegations and evidence were popping up everyday and it disgusted him very much when he saw child pornography photos pop up soon as evidence and he pulled up a black and white photograph and his heart suddenly froze at what he saw in the image, he ran to the trash can and gagged as his coffee spilled and burned his throat, his detective ran over and picked up the image and gasped at what she saw. It was an image of Jamie being raped by the Bishop and the faces of both were very visible and very clear. That night when Linda found out, she broken down and told him to contact Jamie as soon as possible. Danny didn't know how to even do this, but he had to in order to bring that sick rapist to justice. When Frank found out, he felt guilt and grief over what he had done to his own son Jamie, he trusted that the Bishop would help revert Jamie to the path of God, instead, he destroyed Jamie's soul. He remembered how Jamie became sullen and silent and refused to speak about what happened at the therapy group, he refused to even open up to Frank, it all felt horrible as Jamie refused one date after another, one arranged proposal after another, Frank was begging him, pleading for him to find a woman and settle down and stop being promiscuous , but Jamie grew defiant and angry at one dinner session and replied

"I will determine who I spend the rest of my life with. Not you dad."

Henry glared at Frank and Linda shot at her father-in-law

"If you force him to choose who to love before he is ready, his marriage will fail and he will learn to resent you."

As if he hadn't already learned to resent his own father. 


	3. A cosmic collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for the kudos and comments. It means so much.

Jamie was busy as usual with his midnight shift, he was rushing back and forth between patients that needed medical help and that was often necessary to do in case there was a mass casualty event and since a sixteen wheeler rig overturned on the highway, many cars were wrecked on a narrow part of White Pass and at least seventeen people were critically injured and as a resident, this was a new experience for Jamie.

A gurney rushed by Jamie and it had a police officer, a Hispanic young man who was bleeding from his groin, abdomen and head and Jamie pulled the gurney to the triage room and helped the nurses lift the young man who was strapped to the headboard and the cervical collar device and the two blocks that restricted the movement of his head and Jamie spoke to him in a soothing and calm voice as the police officer groaned in pain and opened his eyes in a bleary manner, clearly the officer was still concussed and in pain from hitting his head and Jamie began:

"My name is Dr. Jamie Reagan, I am your doctor on duty. What is your name sir?"

"Cruz...Vinny Cruz..."

Jamie could see the uniform was quickly becoming bloodstained and he could see the silver badge gleam under the harsh surgical grade lights and he got the nurses to cut away the uniform and the service weapon clattered to the ground. One of the nurses uncomfortably held it and Jamie took it from her hand and then put it in the bag for the young man to pick up. Jamie then got the Anesthesiologist to sedate Vinny as he was going to emergency surgery and the doctor knew that he had to remain calm and to do as his training had bidden him to do. He didn't realize it then, but he was starting to have feelings for his patient Vinny. Jamie scrubbed himself down and wore a green gown and cap and put on a facial mask and goggles and put on his gloves and then put shoe covers on his shoes and then walked in and calmly cut into the body which was draped with blue sheets and had a mask on the face. He calmly and quickly removed pieces of shrapnel and stitched up the wounds and fixed the internal injuries and then the surgical techs cleaned the incision areas and the patient was wheeled back out into a post operative recovery room. 

That day when Jamie woke up, Danny came over, pale looking and nervous. Jamie wondered what brought Danny over so early in the morning? He wondered why did Danny keep looking around left and right, like he did just shortly after he had finished Fallujah. Danny sat Jamie down and cleared his throat and began with apprehension in his voice:

"Jamie...We...we uh...received allegations of the Bishop at the arch-diocese raping and molesting the kids under his care. We found proof of the allegations through all sorts of ways I mean, fuck, this guy makes me sick! We found payments of settlements and...and child porn...it, it is really awful and what he has on his files, computers, pictures! Ugh! it, it is so freakishly raunchy and hardcore, I had to puke so many times. Jamie, I hate to tell you but I found a picture of the Bishop raping you. It was you in there."

Jamie could feel the world collapse around him and the air in his lungs escape him instantaneously as he heard those words escape from Danny's lips. He hoped that nobody, least of all his older brother find out what happened to him at the camp.

Meanwhile all this was happening, two men were arriving at the John F Kennedy International airport and they were coming to New York. Their names were Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso, and they were coming back to New York City. Daniel was amazed and dazzled by the city and how much it had changed since he was a senior in High School, leaving this place, his voice caught in his throat as he bumped into a blonde haired police officer, her tag reading "Eddie Janko"

Daniel and Eddie both said "Oh I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you up." And Johnny got the taxi and helped pick up Eddie's things and hand them to her as she ran off and they looked at each other in confusion and rode away. 


	4. The Crystal Heart and its Refracting Light

Jamie yawned and pulled off his surgical mask for what seemed the hundredth of the day and he grabbed a bottle of water and drank some of it before decontaminating himself. He went over to see the patient Vinny Cruz, who by now was awake and jabbering with his family and friends as well as fellow police officers who were concerned about his well being. Eddie Janko eventually came over and smiled and hugged her partner so tightly that he winced and complained   
"Oi! Gimme some space right here! I just came out of surgery you know! I am hurting all over from getting stabbed with shrapnel."  
Eddie apologetically smiled and said   
"Oh dear! I really am so sorry! I hope you are doing much better! Sorry for hugging you that tightly! I was so worried about you when you were involved in the car crash. I'm just so glad that you are ok right now!"  
Jamie smiled and knocked on the door and then walked in to the room and suddenly, when he laid his eyes on Officer Eddie, he blushed and looked towards Officer Vinny and blushed even harder and said with a stutter  
"Well...uh...um...Officer Cruz, lemme take a look at your charts and your uh....vitals to see how you are going along...ok?"  
"You seem a bit red right there doctor, are you sure you should be here? Are you sick?"  
Jamie was flustered as he kept stuttering and stumbling over his words and turned an even deeper shade of pink as he smiled and Danny teased him in a sing-song manner   
"Oooo someone's got a crush! Jamie's got a crush! Jamie's got a crush!"  
Jamie rolled his eyes as Vinny added  
"Oh Danny! Can't you see? He's really shy about it! Leave him alone will you?"  
Jamie was able to regain his composure and do his job and conduct the tests and he finally concluded  
"Vinny, I have to say that you are recovering nicely. If I say so myself, you could be outta here in three days."  
"Three days? What a shame. I was beginning to enjoy your company."  
"Why thank you. I do enjoy your company as well myself if I do say so."  
"Really? You think so too? I...I uh think you're a really great guy ya know, you have the street smarts to become a cop you know...too bad you didn't become one, you would have been a very talented officer."  
"I thank you for the praise Vinny, I am very flattered indeed."  
Jamie eventually left to do his duties while Danny gave Vinny the "You break my brother's heart, I will make sure you regret coming into existence" Speech. It was one of Danny's trademarks as a highly overprotective older brother. Soon Danny sat Jamie down at his office and began  
"You know. This case? We need to talk about it..."  
There was a lump in Jamie's throat that was growing in apprehension and shame of the incident and how he was alone and afraid, all on his own in a camp that was designed to make him straight. He was afraid of bringing forth memories that he had worked so hard to suppress for a long period of time and it was beginning to break him inside whether he knew it or not. Danny continued   
"Jamie, I want you to please testify, not for yourself, but for the victims."  
Danny brought out two piles of folders, one pile was noticeably and clearly taller than the second one. Danny pointed to the first one explaining as he went  
"These are all witness and victim statements. These are the ones from those who are the victims and witnesses who are now dead."  
Danny pulled up a much, much smaller stack of folders and then added  
"These are the ones from those who are still alive, Jamie. Each and every one of them, they all did what they could to build this case for us. We need your voice, we need you more than ever, to take a stand and to take down this godforsaken bastard. He must pay, he will pay for what he has done to you, to the others, to so many boys and girls. Many of them ended their lives in despair...they gave up hope that justice would be served. I don't want you to give up like they gave up. You have all of us rooting for you, and when you are ready to come forward to tell your story, we will be ready to listen. We are always ready to listen to you speak out against this monster and what he had done to so many people who believed in the church. What happened to was not your fault. It was never your fault. You didn't ask for any of this at all."  
Jamie broke down and nodded and at that moment, Danny knew that his brother needed time to heal and to think about coming forward to a hostile public.


	5. The Aura of Truth

Jamie sat down in a interrogation room, where it was less likely for anybody to overhear what he had to say to Danny. For the first time in forever, Danny made sure that the person he was interviewing was comfortable and safe and made sure that Jamie took breaks and drank water, the whole nine yards. Usually he was the complete opposite of that with his suspects, he would make them stay up, yell, scream, cuss them out until they cried out and confessed. But today, he was not speaking to a perp, he was speaking to a survivor of rape, sexual abuse and child pornograpy and this survivor was his younger brother Jamie, of all people. 

He began

"I want you to state your full name and occupation for the recording of this statement please."

"My name is Dr. Jamie 'Jamison' Reagan. I am a trauma surgeon at Mercy Hospital. I have held that position since December 17th 2010."

"In question as to the photos I will show you, can you point out yourself?"

Danny pulled out the photo with trembling fingers and placed it on the steel table, he wished he could never show his baby brother the photo that contained so much trauma for him already. Jamie looked down at the photo and then pointed to his face and said

"Yes. This is me. I know this is me becuase I had a haircut when I was brought to the camp. They said long hair for men was for homosexuals and transvestites."

"Okay. Do you remember when you were first sent to the camp?"

"Yes. I was sent to camp in June 23rd, 1986."

"When did the sexual abuse begin?"

"It first started when the Bishop made me mastrubate to female porn...to try and cure me of being bisexual. He was hard...I could see the outline of his...under the dark smock."

Jamie's eyes were watering up, never had he ever thought that bringing up such memories would evoke such a reaction from his body. He never thought that he would start crying so soon and he wasn't even halfway through his story as of yet. Danny paused the recording, handed him a tissue box and encouraged him

"You are doing such a good job Jamie...you're doing a wonderful job. I wouldn't be able to sit here and be able to speak out against him if I were in your position. Let's put this monster away for life. You wanna continue?"

Jamie shakily nodded and gulped some water and Danny pressed the red button and the tape started winding again as Danny inquired

"How many times did these incidents occur."

Danny hated referring to them as incidents. Even one assault was far, far too many for him to tolerate, but he was never prepared for the answer.

"I lost count after fifteen times."

Danny could feel his blood pressure rise through the roof, he was so tempted to grab the Bishop, stuff him in a wood chipper and burn his remains and repeat the process over and over again.

Danny continued

"Can you describe what he did?"

"It would be easier to just list the things that he didn't do to me. Whatever you can think of, he has done to me. He has had me raped by him him, his associates, the priests, several counselors. All the adults were gulity of this conspiracy. Nobody's hands are clean, it went all the way to the top. It explains the cover ups. The silence, all of it. They didn't want us speaking about what we went through or we would have to pay back the settlements. They tried to make me sign an NDA several times. I know a few people who did sign their NDAs. I refused the settlement terms. I wanted to bring them to court someday..."

"Can you describe the physical abuse you suffered?"

Jamie broke down at the thought of doing that, he sniffled and drank some water and said

"I'm sorry. This is so hard."

"Its all right. Take all the time you need."

Danny felt like mass murdering those sons of bitches, they ruined his baby brother for life. Jamie was broken, slumped over in his chair, trying to hide his tears of shame as he sobbed softly and added

"They beat me with a paddle one time so hard I couldn't sit down right for a entire week, I couldn't sleep right for two more weeks. Another time they made me do chores in the hot sun, I fainted from dehydration and they refused to give me water. I had to drink from the hose behind their backs."

Across the East River, Johnny Lawrence was doing an interview to work for a nuclear reactor in New York as a radiation protection technician, he was here in hopes for a fresh start for himself and for Daniel since the brawl at school that nearly killed Miguel, whose mother never wanted to see him teach her son karate or even be near him at a certain distance. She even managed to get a restraining order against Johnny and he was not allowed around General Trauma back in Reseda becuase Miguel was recovering still from the fall and the subsequent coma. His son Robby was facing a manhunt for charges of aggravated battery and the prosecution was planning to add in additional charges for obstruction of justice and he was considered a flight risk. The officers had arrested him at a greyhound station and the prosecution used that to appeal to the judge to deny bail and the judge applied "special circumstances" to deny bail until the trial was over. 

Robby Keene was in shackles, clinking as he walked down the hall as the prisoners hooted and hollered and made sexual comments about him. He was scared and alone here. He wanted to be home and listening to the boom box and doing karate with Mr. LaRusso, not here, getting ready to fight a losing war against a team that had a 95% conviction rate.


	6. A Horrible Intervening Sequence

The night of New York was young and the city never slept, and neither did criminals in this sort of city, especially when organized crime mobs found their safe haven here in this eternal city. This was the city that would never die, this was the city that would keep growing, but deep underneath, there was a rotting core, a underframe that was corrupt to the core and many people kept paying the price for the corruption of the human nature of the denizens of the city.   
Nick Amaro was at a bar as the disco lights flashed and blared, the music was pounding in his ears and the DJ was hyping up the crowd as the singer echoed the lyrics and the people danced around and whooped and cheered and sang and twirled dizzily as the strobe lights and disco balls glowed and shimmered. Laser beams blazed piercing colorful lights into Nick's irises and pupils as they dilated and shrank, the crowd noise was getting to him as he knocked back glass after glass of alcohol, his vision became hazier and hazier, the noise became white noise as his fine motor skills evaporated into thin air and he bumped against a tall Hispanic man who gathered the drunk man into his hands. Nick tried to fight back, slurring   
"I'm tiiiiruuudd…..My heaaad huuurttsss…"  
"C'mon pretty boy, You know you want this."  
Amaro could feel his badge slip from his pocket and the man picked it up and grinned a wolfish, hungry grin that scared Amaro, but he didn't know why as of yet. The man carried him and took him to the car, as if he were helping a drunk friend home, they soon came to the man's apartment and the man stripped him down and started thrusting into him violently as Nick tried to fight him off, Nick soon tired out and his heavy eyelids slid shut and he passed out.  
Johnny was coming home from night classes, his textbooks weighing down his shoulders as he walked down the sidewalk walking to his apartment when he saw a shadow near an alleyway and he crept up and saw a half naked man, his buttoned up shirt half-ripped off and bloodied and his back filled with hickeys and his boxers and pants pulled to his knees and the boxers were stained with urine and blood. Johnny muttered   
"Holy shit! Sir? are you ok? Sir?"  
Johnny tried to shake the man awake, but he was still sleeping so Johnny pulled out his cellphone and dialed 911.   
Jamie continued answering questions from Danny and wept all the way throughout as he tried to answer as many of them as he could. Danny finished the recording and hugged his younger brother as he let loose the storm of tears that he dammed up over the years of silence, betrayal and fear. Erin nodded, she had a case to make and she would make sure that all those who destroyed her brother would pay, though she was a calm and more reserved sibling than Danny, she too, wanted to murder the bishop and all of his associates.


	7. The Revenge of the Templar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP to the Karate Kid actor Rob Garrison, you will be missed.

Joseph Reagan was doing paperwork and reading textbooks on police fraternal organizations that existed all over the world, not just the Blue Templar. These organizations were to keep control and to keep tabs on the members of the police officers of those who were in the organization itself, however once the founders retired or died the organizations became corrupt. The cops became dirty and would abuse warrants for their own ends and purposes and they would become wealthy, high ranked and powerful.  
He sat in a quiet library with stacks of books, papers and charts spread all around him as his dad and grandfather were tracking Sonny Malevsky, the man from the 6th precinct. That detective was making Joe feel weird with his presence and Joe knew that something was wrong and he had to stop that man, he knew that the Blue Templar would wreak vengeance upon him very soon and he had to do whatever it took to bring the dirty cops to justice.  
With Frank monitoring the phones and surveilling the dirty detective with the help of a warrant secured by Erin, Jackie managed to install the tracker onto the car while Sonny was away and when she tried to tail the dirty cop while he was driving, another car tailed her and smashed into her bumper and she sweved and collided into a parked car, she blacked out. Daniel LaRusso was the responding EMT at the scene that helped Jackie out of the car after he used the Jaws of Life to pry open the crushed car door and rescued her and lay her carefully on the stretcher and helped her call her partner Danny. Danny picked up the phone and asked   
"Hey, Jackie? Are you still on his tail?"  
"No, listen here, look, I got tailed by one of his goons and was wrecked."  
"Jackie? Are you ok? Are you hurt? Go to the hospital if you need to!"  
"The vehicle was dark colored and it was a SUV with New York plates."  
"Is there anything else that you can remember? Any faces you could see? Did you get the number?"  
"No. I didn't, I'm really sorry."  
"Its all right, all that matters is that you are ok right now. We are gonna take their asses down."  
Soon Frank, Danny, and Joe all strode up to the bar where the Blue Templar were hanging out and drinking and planning their next move to assassinate Joe, the SWAT team kicked down the door and swept the area as Joe yelled out "Police! Hands up in the air! Right where I can see them! Now!"  
Frank slightly shuddered at the thought that if Joe had not pursued his gut and had not done what was right, he would have easily lost his life, and he couldn't imagine ever living without any of his children ever.  
Nick Amaro opened his eyes as the bright lights of the hospital pierced into his eyes, he tried to look away, but his neck hurt too much, his spine felt too stiff and his entire body ached something terrible especially in his bottom area. He felt very sore, very naked, and very vulnerable. He had abrasions and cuts and bruises all over his arms and he could hear a steady beeping from the heart monitor. He blinked as the nurse came over, fiddled with the monitor and left. Soon the doctor came over and Nick sat up as the doctor asked   
"Do you remember anything from last night?"  
"No. I don't. What happened?"  
"That's all right, it will soon come to you."  
"What do you mean?"  
"It will all come to you."  
The doctor soon left and Amaro was puzzled as a nurse started the physical exam and when she would touch him with her gloved hands   
'God, please get that woman to get her damn hands off of me!'  
He was breathing heavily as she did the entire examination, with his consent, but he still felt slightly violated and he couldn't even remember why as they took his blood for a tox screen and he lay on his side and sobbed, and he didn't understand why.


	8. Intertwined Love

Dr. Jamie was studying for the board exam that would make him board certified and he was excited and nervous so that he would finally graduate from residency and finally be able to become a full doctor in his own right as a full trauma surgeon as opposed to being stretched thin across all over the hospital and doing clinic hours. 

Vinny was being discharged today and he looked a bit doleful as the nurse wheeled him out to the taxi that would drive him home when he saw Jamie walking out of the hospital to go to the bus stop and Jamie turned around and said

"Oh hello there Officer Cruz."

"Just call me Vinny. My friends call me Vincent."

"Well I'm honored to call you Vinny. So what did you need me to help you with?"

"I was thinking. You have such a cute smile. You have great blue eyes, it would be such a shame if I didn't get to see you again. Well you don't have to...given that your dad IS my boss. But...uh.."

"No, I would love to see you again Vinny, it would be amazing to get to know you better and we could be friends."

"Well, if you want, I can give you my phone number. We could keep in touch? Ya?"

"Sure thing Vinny. Keep in touch. Drive safe out there. I don't want you back here as a patient. You know what I mean!"

"Sure thing then Doctor! Oh and by the way, if you want, we can go to a place called Mama's Diner. It's got good food and a great family atmosphere."

"Sure thing. It's a uh..."

"Date. If you wanna call it that."

"Sure thing then. It's a date then."

They exchanged numbers and then they texted each other and Jamie blushed slightly and then went to his apartment and showered before going to sleep. Erin was bulding her case day and night, her note cards lay stacked as she wrote speeches and planned how she was going to present the evidence to court and she practiced dry runs of the trial with Danny to help her and Joe would play defense to help her anticipate questions that the defense would try to toss at her. Erin's nerves were unusually frayed especially at Sunday dinner when her daughter Jackie noticed her fingers were shaking before the trial and she muttered 

"Jackie...I'm scared...this is me...trying a case against a man that destroyed your uncle Jamie. I have no idea if I can do this..."

Henry encouraged her

"You can do this. What's important is that you stand up for what is right and you never ever give up. You're a Reagan and Reagans never give up."

Frank piped in

"You have the skill set and the knowledge, I have confidence that you will be able to do this. The jury will be very sympathetic to your case since the increase of criticism of the Church."

They soon finished their meal and packaged the food away as Nick Amaro lay in the hospital bed, weeping alone and scared.

Olivia Benson walked in, her tears flooding her eyes when she saw one of her own laying in the bed, bare and vulnerable, like a baby, panicking and trying to escape his restraints becuase of multiple panic attacks. Odafin had a burning fury that was ready to consume him with rage over who violated Amaro like this, sure Amaro was arrogant and brash at times, but he was kind and sweet. But despite his shortcomings, Nick didn't deserve this at all, not at all. It was not his fault, never, ever. No matter how drunk, or drugged or how much he looked like he was asking for it, Nick didn't deserve it at all. Odafin had to interview Nick, but he didn't get much out of him becuase of how intoxicated Nick was, not to mention the date rape drug that was slipped into his fry sauce when he dipped his onion rings in the sauce and then licked the rest of the left over sauce clean from the plastic mini cup. They found traces of the date rape drug from the left over burger which had the fry sauce drizzled on it and was tested positive for Ketamine and Rohypnol. Odafin just held the young man as he wept loudly and screamed 

"Its not true...it can't be! Men can't be raped!"

Fin shook his head and replied

"You know as well as we know that men, women, anybody can be raped..."

Fin knew that he was in denial, that he was trying to prevent himself from facing the reality that he was sexually assaulted and needed to face his trauma.


	9. Fighting to Breathe

Johnny Lawrence was now an X Ray technician and was able to do radiologic imaging for patients and was now licensed in the state of New York after two years of intense studying and practicing and learning about the human body, as well as anatomy and physiology and how radiation can affect the human health and he was studying radiochemistry and nuclear physics in order to further his studies and eventually double major in radiologic physics and radiochemistry so he would be able to someday be able to work in a nuclear reactor as a nuclear engineer and make more money than his bastard step father Sid did in his lifetime.  
Eddie Janko was busy chasing after a suspect screaming her lungs off   
"POLICE!! STOP!!! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"  
Her TO Anthony Renizulli was also following the suspect and decided to cut off the suspect by going in another alleyway and he ran through narrow alleys where poor people lived in slum like apartments and clothes hung on clotheslines above him and Eddie tackled the suspect as Anthony finally caught up, gasping for air and chucking in amusement as she handcuffed the perp and hauled him towards the cruiser and shoved him in and drove towards the precinct where the perp was taken into holding and Vinny was bragging to his mates about getting another phone number from a lady down the street. Eddie just groaned and rolled her eyes before going back to her paperwork and typing loudly in order to not hear him brag that he was gonna have another date. She quickly and discreetly flipped the bird at him before going back to her paperwork and once she had finished her paperwork, she saw Dr. Jamie waiting at the bus stop, sitting on the bench and she sat next to him and said 

"Hey there doctor."  
"Hello there Officer Janko."  
"How are you doing today?"  
"I am doing great, I just finished my night shift and I will take the first bus home and get some rest and study for the board exams."  
"Oh really? Why don't we go out for some breakfast? You sure do look hungry."  
"Really? I mean, I sure wouldn't want to impose on you."  
"Nah, its my treat to you for saving the ladies' man at the precinct. At least he's up and bragging that he got another woman's telephone number."  
"Oh...uh....sure. Lets' go eat, I'm starving for sure."  
Jamie was disappointed in Cruz but what did he expect? For that man to feel the same way as Jamie felt about him? Yeah right! Vinny was probably straight as hell and he was probably deluding himself into believing that Cruz would ever return his feelings. Jamie grabbed his things and they both boarded the bus to the Stacy transit center where multiple bus stations and subway stations converged at a single hub where hundreds of people sat around, or walked about aimlessly or were standing near the platforms, or were gazing at train or bus schedules and soon Jamie and Eddie boarded Route 554 Eastbound towards the Bronx. Here people were playing music and laughing and skateboarding and eating along sidewalk cafes and here, Eddie ordered two pancakes and breakfast burritos and when they came out of the food truck, Jamie gaped at the size of the food as Eddie wolfed down her breakfast burrito and scoffed at Jamie's notion of high cholesterol and high blood pressure and kept scarfing down food as Jamie ate some easy-side-up eggs and ate them, but he could have sworn that by the size of the yolks, these were from ostriches, not from hens at all.   
Nick was still weeping and panicking as the doctors injected sedatives and anti-anxiety medication into his vein as he tried to thrash around and scream, but he was held down by the restraints after a nurse caught him trying to slice open his vein and now Amaro was trying to stonewall the psycatrist that the hospital was trying to force him to speak to and he hated that so much. Olivia sighed and kept him company through the suicide watch and soon he was released after an agreement that he would not be left alone and Benson drove him to her house and said  
"William Lewis held a gun to my forehead and raped me at gun point Nick. Everyday since then, I felt empty, used, helpless, victimized. It was only the help of my friends that I was able to begin recovery and seek help. We cannot force you to go to help. Only you can do that for yourself. You are responsible for your personal health. But let me remind you first and foremost, what happened was not your fault, you did not ask for any of this at all and we will relentlessly seek justice for you until the very end. We promise you that."


	10. It's Still Not Enough.

Dr.Jamie was carrying his backpack filled with books and tools and spare scrubs when his phone started buzzing and he rolled his eyes since he knew it was Erin telling him to get ready for the trial. He was anxiety ridden for the board exams and the trial and it wasn't enough that Jamie would have to face his rapist in court, the fact was, that there was a possibility that his rapist was going to get away with what he did and Jamie would have to live with the shame forever and ever for the rest of his life and he hated that thought so much. Danny reminded him   
"I am here for you, the whole family is here. I will kill any asshole that tries to stand against you. Say the name and their body will be found three states away and will only be identified with dental records and no forensic evidence on them. I can promise you that Jamie, I will lift this world for you, name any sort of favor you want me for you to do and consider it done, I promise you that. I will break any law for you Jamie...but please Jamie, I need you to take the stand, stand up there and testify against that son of a bitch for me, don't do it for anybody else, do it for me. Do it for the victims if you want to, do it for the people who can't testify anymore, do it for those who are too afraid. Do it for all of us."  
Jamie sighed as Joe took his younger brother's sweating, trembling hands in his own and said   
"Mom and grandma would be so proud of you, standing up to the bullies like this. You are so incredibly brave and strong to stand up like this against the people who victimized you and so many others like this. If I had been in your place, I probably would have never been able to stand trial like you are about to. The entire Reagan family stands behind you, ready to fight by your side and to stand in front of you to protect you and to save you from any monsters that try to do harm to you. We are sorry that we failed you before, but we promise that this will never happen again on our watch again. Come here."  
Jamie just came into his siblings arms and wept and wept as Henry and Frank Reagan watched the touching scene outside the dining room and Frank hugged his father Henry tightly and walked over and told Jamie  
"Jamie, I want to sincerely apologize to you from the bottom of my heart that I am very sorry, I am so so sorry that I betrayed your trust and that I forced you to do something that in the end, led to the detriment of you as opposed to accepting you for who you are. You are someone who is born perfect, just as God had intended you and I failed you, please, I humbly seek your apologies for what I did by sending you to that blasted camp. I should have loved you and accepted you, but I didn't and I made you pay the price for my bigotry. I am sincerely sorry for what I have done Jamie. Please forgive me."  
Jamie coldly regarded him and icily responded  
"Its too late dad, no matter how far I run, no matter how deep I hide. I still can't get his fucking hands off of me, and I still can't breathe, and I still can feel him inside of me."  
He turned around and left the house and took Route 150 westbound bus towards the Courthouse where cameras, reporters and press members screamed along with protestors and counter protesters screaming and hollering for attention as Jamie passed along the way as his sister hollered at the crowds to back off, Jamie was huddled near her, as if she was a shield, that could protect him from the world. Inside the courtroom, there was complete, dead silence as Jamie sat near the prosecution, he could hear his heart beating loudly as he looked back and saw Vinny flash a encouraging smile and mouthed "You can do this" and Jamie faced forward as the bailiff called out for everyone to rise. His trial was beginning and there was nothing he could do to stop it.


	11. Open wide O Earth.

Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso both were heading down the stairs and through the hallway of the hospital when they bumped into Dr. Jamie whose shoulders were slumped and his head was bowed quietly as he tried to hide from the gossiping colleagues as they watched the TVs covering the trial. Lawrence approached Jamie and asked him   
"What's bugging you?"  
"I...uh, Its just the trial coverage and how the news people are just saying that the victim asked for it! I mean, this is just awful!"  
"Wow! They are really pathetic! I hope they all rot in hell for victim shaming the person."  
"Me too. I feel so sorry for them, I really do."  
"So my name is Johnny Lawrence, I work in the X Ray department."  
"I'm Dr. Jamie Reagan, I work as a trauma surgeon. I am trying to get licensed. I am very nervous about the board exams since there are three different exams and then I have to do some paperwork afterwards."  
"All right then, have a good day then."  
Dr. Jamie grabbed his lab coat and suit jacket and then went on the train to the bus station and then sat down in the place where the witnesses were told to sit in the docket and soon Erin said   
"The People would like to call up Dr. Jamie Reagan."  
And with that, for just a brief moment, as the doctor, the surgeon, the life giver, the savior stood up, took the steps towards the witness stand and sat down in the wooden chair as he could feel the Earth tremble ever so slightly as he lifted his head and looked into the ADA's eyes as she began her questioning. Erin began   
"When did you first meet Bishop Donovan, Dr. Reagan?"  
"On June 6th 1988"  
"How did you meet him?"  
"I met him at the conversion camp called Harmony Rivers and it was because he was assigned to me to convert me to become a straight man. Essentially, he was the one who would give me the ex-gay therapy."  
Soon he opened up about everything, about all the details and it was horrific for Erin to hear all of them. For Jamie, it was the second worst experience he had gone through, just seeing her trying to remain calm as he was being cross-examined on the stand about the worst day of his life, it was all so much, too much. His heart was pounding and swear was pouring down his face as if he was ready to be sentenced to death, the judge asked him   
"Dr. Reagan? Are you ok? Do you want me to call a recess?"  
"No your honor, I can continue. "  
"You need only say so."  
"That night, I was in bed, I was tired and drained from a day's worth of activities and sickened, I closed my eyes and went to sleep in my dorm room, it was around eleven o clock at night when he came in. I know this because the Bishop makes his rounds at eleven o clock. I was half asleep and turned over on my side so I could go back to sleep, but he opened the door further and came into my bed and clamped his hand onto my mouth as I tried to scream, I tried to move, to fight or to squirm, but I couldn't move, he tore off my pajamas and thrust into me, I could remember looking into his eyes and seeing nothing in them, there was no remorse, no guilt, his eyes had no soul in them, it was as if I was staring at the Devil incarnate. He stole a part of me that can never be returned, I lost that part of me forever that night."  
The defense attorney was nervous and they had to defend this case or else they would be disbarred from practicing law, Erin was pissed when it was her rival who had been harassing and flirting with her who was cross-examining her brother, her poor baby brother would be destroyed by that son of a bitch. All she could do was help her brother and bring forward more witnesses and bring up that picture that had her brother on it. That was the image that she wished she could unsee with all her life.


	12. Help Me! Save Me! Hear Me!

The rain kept pouring down on New York city in Staten Island at the home of the Reagans as they ate their Sunday dinner. Nicki Reagan asked her mom   
"Mom? So how is your case doing against that Bishop?"  
Erin Reagan cut off her daughter saying   
"Nicki, eat your food!"  
Nicki continued  
"Is it because Uncle Jamie is the Plaintiff, that you don't wanna talk about the case mom?"  
Danny added in  
"Nicki, the reason why she doesn't want to talk about this case is because not only Uncle Jamie was a victim, but her friend Elizabeth Holmes also was a victim of the Bishop. She is having a hard time because she has to get their testimonies in a tactful and sensitive and yet a way that won't raise objections from the defense. So yes, your mom is not doing well right now."  
Nicki looked over to her tearful mom and told her  
"Mom, you can do this. You are a awesome attorney and you can do this. You have convicted cases with lower odds than this mom."  
"Nicki, that's because they had public defenders that were overstressed, overworked, and underpaid. This Bishop has the best defense attorney of all of the tri-state area, I haven't won a single case against him. Not to mention the fact that he tried to make a pass at me a few years ago when he was still in the office."  
Henry piped up   
"That son of a bitch tried to make a pass at you? Those two make for good rapist bedfellows. Those two son of a bitches had better be grateful I retired a long time ago, or else I would have had the entire NYPD hunting for their heads."  
Frank reminded his father  
"I would have done the same thing as well pop, but Erin, why didn't you tell me this?"  
Erin looked down and fiddled with her food a bit before replying  
"Because you would have gone into 'overprotective dad mode' and I wanted to handle it myself."  
"It's my job to worry about you all! Even if you are great grandparents, I will always be your overprotective father, whether you like it or not."  
Jamie stood up from the table and left and after dinner, Frank sat down with him in the living room and placed his eyeglasses on and said  
"Jamie? What's bothering you?"  
"Everything! The flashbacks, the fact that I'm afraid of the defense and the fact that they might shred me, the fact that the defense might try to spin it as me having some sort of nightmare."  
"Jamie, you can do this. You will be able to stand on that stand because you must do it. If you do not, that man will get away with what he has done and scores of children will continue to suffer, I choose to not believe that you will let this man get away with what he has done. You will make him pay because you have the courage and the iron will to see to it that despite there being fear, you choose to believe that justice is more important than succumbing to fear."  
Jamie smiled sadly and leaned into his father's warm, broad chest and sobbed deeply, he could hear the soft thudding of his father's heart on his sternum and inhaled the soft scent of the cologne and closed his eyes and went to sleep.  
When Jamie and Frank woke up, they found a quilt on that had been placed on them as they slept all night long, perhaps it was either Henry or Danny, Jamie sighed  
"Today is the day to be grilled."  
"I will be there."  
"You sure dad?"  
"I will have the secretary clear my schedule. I am not missing this for the world my son."  
Jamie smiled and got up and dressed in a suit and lab coat and arrived at the courthouse via transit after displaying his bus pass and sticker and then he got himself scanned all over by the security guard and got patted down and soon he sat down at the docket and then waited for his name to be called up.   
He was called up after seven other witnesses were called up by the defense and they were trying to shred him, but Erin made sure that they didn't go too far and the Defense said   
"How can you be sure that the person who raped you was the Bishop? You testified earlier that the room was dark and you were half asleep. That would make it very difficult to make a positive ID."  
"Objection! Relevance!" Erin shouted out  
The judge said   
"Sustained! Counsel If you do not lose that attitude, I will have you in contempt of the court for intimidating the witness."  
The defense then was more contrite and continued asking more questions and Jamie kept answering them as best as his trauma would allow him to do so and soon the defense said  
"No more questions your honor. The defense rests."  
Jamie got off of the seat and walked down to the docket and sat next to his sister and his father. Danny had to restrain himself from launching at the defense attorney and the smug Bishop who thought that he could get away with raping little kids and he wanted to murder that son of a bitch and Frank and Henry all felt the same way, they all wanted to kill whoever dared to hurt a hair on one of their own. After the trial, when Joe passed by the Bishop, he softly growled   
"Enjoy ADX Florence for the rest of your shitty life. I hear Colorado is great at this time of the year."   
There was no more words to be shared or any more air to be wasted on this man that had wrecked one of their own. It was time for him to pay. Joe himself was a gay man and he came out as gay to Erin who accepted him and Frank found out after Joe was seen holding hands with a officer and kissing him behind the precinct. Frank knew he had to accept his son for who he was in the end and that was all that mattered.


	13. The Sparks of a Flaming Love

Dr. Jamie Reagan grabbed the subway and then the transit all the way to the courthouse, his sister had delivered her closing speech weeks ago and it had been nine hours since the jury had gone in to deliberate the fate of the Bishop that had raped, molested and sexually abused so many boys and girls and now the verdict was ready to be read aloud to the tense and impatient crowd. By now, people around the world were live streaming this on their laptops, cellphones, tablets and televisions and eyeballs were waiting, waiting for accountability for the ancient institution such as the Roman Catholic church. Jamie as a result of his rape became an atheist and simply avoided saying Grace at dinners whenever he could and always made sure that he was too busy to attend church. The flashbacks it brought back was a trauma that Jamie was still struggling with, especially the fact that he still refused to trust his own body and his own instincts.   
Jamie sat down in the docket and the jury was brought in and the foreman of the jury handed over the bailiff the papers in the yellow manila envelope and the foreman verified that the signatures were indeed that of the jury and then the folder was taken to the clerk, who stood up and read aloud the verdict  
"In the case of The People of the State of New York v Bishop Donovan, docket no 78956952, for the seven felony charges of statutory rape, seven felony charges of child pornography, the jury has rendered their verdict as guilty on all seven charges for statutory rape and guilty for all seven charges of child pornography. Your Honor, the jury has recommended a sentence of life without parole."  
For Jamie and the other six survivors, they all broke down, weeping, crying out of relief, that justice was finally served as Erin came over and held her baby brother, as if she could shield him from the world, she didn't give a shit that her $3,000 jacket was wet with his tears as she saw the policemen step forward and handcuff the Bishop and haul him away as he was weeping and begging for forgiveness. All of the Reagans were huddling around Jamie and giving him their strength and love as he wept out loud. Danny was whispering kind, sweet words and Frank was praying to God, thanking Him for the justice He served and soon they leave the courtroom and they are leaving the courthouse when Jamie sees Vinny, he just stands there and says  
"I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to you. For all it's worth, I hope the rapist bastard rots alive rather than dead. He should suffer for what he did to you."  
"I heard you got a girl's phone number...why?"  
"Who the fuck told you that?"  
"Eddie Janko."  
"I can explain, look, I lied to everyone there that I found a girl, the truth is, I still am trying to work up the courage to come out as bisexual to the precinct. Not to mention the fact that homophobia is still rampant in the NYPD. We still haven't evolved despite our technology evolving."  
"I am so sorry for misunderstanding you Vinny, can you ever forgive me? Next time I hear someone saying something like that about you, I will come you first and talk about it. Ok?"  
"Sure thing...and about that lunch date that I owe you...wanna eat at Tino's?"  
"Sure thing then. I will meet you there then at two o clock."  
Vinny winked at Jamie and his heart fluttered slightly and Vinny blew a kiss and Jamie blushed a bit as Danny walked over and teased   
"Oooooo someone's in love!"  
Jamie rolled his eyes as Henry walked over laughing   
"I saw that starry eyed look on Frank the day he met Mary at a roller skate arena while on beat."  
Frank simply laughed and said   
"Pop, I thought that was supposed to be between us!"  
Henry just laughed as the commissioner just tried to smart over that fact before they all went home and Jamie went to his apartment to get ready in his suit and coat to keep him warm, he shivered as he rode the transit to the restaurant where Vinny waited and they ordered some food as Vinny spoke   
"Ya know, you have a very cute smile and very beautiful eyes if I say so myself. Where do you live by the way?"  
"Clearwater Avenue on Johnson Street."   
"Ooo nice, I pass by your apartments, what is it, Marine land?"  
"Yes,Marine Land Village it is. I live in Apartment 9B. You should come over sometime and we could hang out ya know..."  
"I'm surprised you are the son of the commissioner, you know?"  
"Why? Cause I became a doctor instead of a lawyer like my sister or a cop like my brothers?"  
"In a word: Yes, I was surprised to find that out. Many children emulate the characteristics of their parents in a way. In a way, sometimes those behaviors become traditions and those traditions become refined and integrated into culture over time."  
"Oh nice, where did you come up with that Mr. Booksy?"  
"Haha very funny, I took a sociology class last quarter in the evening, my professor said that to me after I whined about Sunday masses that my grandmother used to take me on as a child."  
"Oh wow, he must be very wise then."  
"Believe me, I will introduce you to him Jamie. I sure will."  
The two men clinked their vodka glasses together and drank to a long and healthy relationship as they leaned in and hugged. Jamie could feel his heart flutter as Vinny drove him home in the cruiser and under the light, Jamie leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek and said   
"See you later Officer Vinny."  
"See you later Dr. Jamie."


	14. Compromised structures

Nick Amaro was heading down the sidewalk in Manhattan as he gazed upward at the deep blue skies, he sighed and hugged his chest as he could feel people brush by him, rushing to commute to work and to reach their destinations. The traffic hummed and buzzed and people yelped and shouted and chattered and laughed and joked, but Nick, he just stood, frozen like a statue, his breathing heavy and his dress shirt was transparent in its soaked state, despite the fact that it was a chilly November, his forehead was glazed with sweat and his badge dangled round his neck like a medal, but now, it felt like his cross to bear. His hands trembled and shook as he drew in a breath as the crane groaned and creaked, bearing beams and drywall to the higher levels. It was oddly comforting to see the process of something being built, perhaps because Nick himself was broken in a irreparable way and seeing something fixed is a way of projecting, but he digresses.   
Dr. Jamie whooped as he found that that he had passed the board exams and he was officially a doctor and now was licensed to make medical decisions on his own and prescribe medication, he was a full fledged doctor and could even open his own practice if he wanted to. But he was leaping for joy and so excited that he didn't see his own father walk in on him wearing a lab coat and jumping around when Frank said   
"What is making you so happy? Why are you wearing a lab coat and why are you wearing a stethoscope around your neck?"  
"Uhhh because, I officially am now Dr. Jamie Jamison Reagan! Man I was so freaking nervous about the demonstration portion of the exam and the surgical portion of the exam where I had to work with a dummy and prove that I knew the place of where I had to cut open."  
"So now you are a surgeon?"  
"Yes I officially am a surgeon dad!"  
"But we spoke about you being a lawyer son! You agreed with your mother before she passed away that you would be a Lawyer like Erin is right now."  
"Yeah except lawyers are assholes and are corrupted in their way of thinking of how they interpret the law. The law is literally subject to interpretation and all lawyers can do is scam their clients out of money and you know that dad. I...I felt a calling to the field of medicine, not for the money, not for the privilege, not for the honors or the glory, but rather, for the fact that...somehow...I felt that I would be able to save someone's life. That I could bring a smile to a person's face and better this society a tiny bit."  
"I...I see."  
There was a hint of disappointment in Frank's eyes as he left the office, all joy and mirth sucked out of Jamie's eyes as he screamed "Fuck you dad! I wish I had never been born! Maybe then you would just have your perfect three angels! I am a motherfucking black sheep and that's what I always will be!"  
Frank angrily stormed out, the glass door to Jamie's office door slamming behind him, boldly painted with the words "Dr. Jamison Reagan, Head of The Surgical Department."  
Jamie was busy with paperwork when his pager buzzed and the Dean of Medicine told him   
"There has been a crane collapse on Sylvester and Court st. We are needed there immediately, there are possibly multiple crush victims from the falling debris. There is a possibility for a secondary crane collapse, so be careful and be aware of your surroundings, make sure your pagers, phones, tracker and walkie talkies are on. Switch the channel to seven, all right?"  
Everyone nodded as they went to the scene of carnage and destruction, bodies lay under blue tarps as the relatives wailed and screamed in grief, punctuated by the sirens screaming and the blue and white lights flashing as the bright emergency lights were being brought in as well as cadaver dogs barked and searched for people that were buried alive in the rubble. Searchers were caked in dust and dirt, from head to toe in their brightly colored orange fluorescent jackets and helmets. Dr. Jamie carried his medical kit in a black backpack as the wind blew, his lab coat billowing about him, a aura of calm and authority around him as he triaged patients and tied tourniquets and amputated several limbs which had been crushed for far too long to be even saved. Dr. Reagan made sure as best as he could, that they could be saved, but a elderly man with a fractured skull and a massive cranial hemoherrage, there was so much blood, several cops were injured, but nothing too major. The agonizing screams of the victims pierced the air and echoed through the concrete wreckage, Jamie climbed through several concrete blocks awkwardly laying on top of each other, he could hear a banging as he shouted   
"HEY STOP WITH THE NOISES!"  
The rescue workers quieted for a moment before Brad, the lead rescue worker according to the tag on his jumper yelled "Well? What did you stop us for?"  
"I heard someone here banging!"  
Soon the cadaver dogs were brought over and the dogs found nothing so the workers all dispersed and decided to search elsewhere. Jamie heard the banging again and decided to crawl in the narrow space, where he, coughed as the dust was thicker and it was getting darker so he switched on his cellphone flashlight and crawled in, he was literally crawling in a space that was so narrow that he took off his backpack and crawled, using his elbows and arms to do the legwork, when he saw a Hispanic man, caked in dust and dressed in a suit, and a detective of Manhattan SVU. Jamie was shocked when he saw that the man's left leg was completely pinned under the entire mess and wreckage of the building, the man croaked out   
"H...help...hurts...it...hurts."  
"Sir...what is your name?"  
"Nick...Nick Amaro. I'm...senior Detective...at...NYPD."  
"Shit...do you know my brother Danny Reagan?"  
"Y...yes...I work...with...him."  
"Hey....I need to go ok? I will get help."  
"No. nononononono. NOOOOOO."  
The place was extremely claustrophobic and tight and narrow, like a coffin. Nick was beginning to panic so he reached his hand towards Dr. Jamie, but Dr. Jamie brushed it off, he had to remain objective, he had to do it for the sake of his patient and soon he crawled out and when he was out, he heard the cries of a girl, her cries were loud and horrible and he ran over and yelled angrily and frustrated   
"HOW DID YOU PULL THAT BLOCK OFF OF HER ARM? DID YOU PULL IT OFF NICE AND SLOW OR DID YOU PULL IT OFF LIKE A BAND-AID? SEEING YOUR SUPRISED EXPRESSIONS TELLS ME THAT YOU DID THE LATTER RATHER THAN THE FORMER! WHO THE FUCK HIRED YOU ASSHOLES!?"  
Dr. Jamie stomped away cursing in Russian and Spanish before finding rescue workers he deemed remotely competent enough to do the job right and brought them over to Nick Amaro, who was screaming and crying in pain. Doctor Jamie remembered that the potassium build up in Nick's leg would be toxic to his heart and cause a fatal heart attack if the rescue wasn't done properly, Dr. Reagan cursed to himself as the workers tried airbags and the Jaws of Life to try and pry Nick free, but it didn't work, Dr. Reagan knew that he had to begin the process of amputation before Crush Syndrome set in. The doctor began   
"We are out of time Nick. We need to amputate that leg now."  
"What do you mean? No! No! You can't do this to me"  
"I have to do this in order to save your life Nick! If I don't, Crush Syndrome will set in and your kidneys will fail and you will urinate blood, then when, if we even managed to pry you free, the potassium in that trapped leg is like a time bomb ready to explode, and will cause you a fatal heart attack. Please let me amputate your leg, please."  
"All right then. Just call Olivia Benson."  
"Who is she?"  
"She is my boss. Just please call her."  
"All right."  
Dr. Jamie dialed the number that Nick gave him on his cellphone and then put it on speaker so that Nick would be able to hear her voice. Olivia picked up after several rings and answered in a groggy voice as if she had headed to bed for the night. By now, Nick was shivering violently and starting to suffer from shock and hypothermia as Dr. Jamie set up a drip and inserted it into Nick's wrist and injected a local anesthetic to numb the pain slightly and then Nick spoke   
"Hey Olivia?"  
"Yeah? Remember that court date I was supposed to make today? Remember that you told me that I had better make it unless the sky was falling?"  
"Yea, why the fuck didn't you make the date? I was totally embarrassed in front of Judge Gilligan! You are lucky he was feeling generous enough to resecdule the court date to next month!"  
"Well. It turns out that the sky fell on me in a way, you see, a crane collapsed and now I'm trapped under a building, I was literally on my way to the courthouse when it happened?"  
"WAIT JUST A MINUTE, YOU ARE IN THE STRYKER BULDING COLLAPSE? OH MY GOD!!! ARE YOU OK NICK?!?!"   
"No, I'm not, I need my left leg to be amputated because it has been pinned under the wreckage for too long and I can't be freed in time. Even if I was freed with my leg intact, the doctor says that the potassium trapped in the leg will kill me. I...I am sorry Olivia, but...I will have to hand in my badge and gun...I am very, very sorry."  
"What are the risks of the amputation?"  
Dr. Jamie Reagan was tired and sleep deprived but he tried to be as patient as he could with what he was dealing with, so he replied   
"Blood clots, infections, infarctions, fat embolisms, deep vein thrombosis, pneumonia, slow wound healing, phantom pain, just to name a few of the risks of a field amputations."  
Nick said "I'll see you at the hospital Olivia...send my love to everyone, and sign me off duty when you can."  
Olivia would never get that chance to. Doctor Jamie injected another round and Nick held onto the doctor and said   
"I have a daughter named Zara. If I don't make it...."  
"You will make it. I know you will."  
"How much will it hurt?"  
"Much more than any gun shot wound in your life. Much more painful than anything in your life."  
"Do it."  
And with those words, Dr. Jamie set out to do his very first amputation, and he would come to regret it. He was handed a power saw with the type of blade that is used to cut into drywall and sheet rock, and when he started cutting, Amaro's screams were deafening, his cries echoed across the rock, his back arched and tears streamed down his face. He can only think of his baby girl, all the memories of his father beating him, none of them come even close to this moment where his leg is literally getting gnawed off by a blade to save his life, he can remember his girlfriend screaming in agony, but her pain is nothing in comparison to this horrendous amputation in which there is little to no anesthetic and his leg...its now a stump. The deed is done and his leg is gone, the doctor carefully wraps his leg and he is strapped to a stretcher and lifted out. But suddenly, the building gives out and traps the rescue workers and Dr. Jamie in a secondary crane collapse and their lives are on the line. Time is ticking, the oxygen is running out and Nick is being hauled to the ambulance, the blue and white lights whirling over and over, the sirens wailing and screaming for the drivers to pull over or to slow down, and the paramedics are frantic to save their patient as best as they can. Olivia is pacing up and down the hallways with Danny Reagan and Frank who was only relived slightly that none of his children were hurt, yet, and he was worried that the detective might not make it to the hospital. Nick was coughing heavily and cried out   
"I...I can't breathe! H...Help!"  
The paramedic then said   
"I'm gonna inject some blood thinner, to cause you to bleed more easily to bust this clot. Stay calm detective."  
Nick's breath fogged the oxygen mask as it obscured the features of his face, he was coughing heavily as he struggled to breathe, the face of Zara in his vision as the bright light of the ambulance swallowed him whole and his consciousness faded away for the last time forever. The heart monitor let out one long wail and the EMT turned it off and announced "Time of death 11:42 P.M" and put a white sheet over his body. This was going to be a long day for the man as they docked up just to see crowds of doctors run over, just to see the sunned look on his face and they all knew, the patient was gone, he was DOA.


	15. Waiting for the world to end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my NYC geography is off, I had to Google hospitals in Bronx to get the information I needed. Street names are according to the city I live in.

He could hear the men shouting above him, the commanders were shouting out orders as workers drilled above him. Voices screaming, and shouting, and Jamie...Jamie was caked in dust and debris, his phone was crushed and his pager skittered away and his walkie talkie was nowhere to be seen. He could feel a sharp hot pain lance up his spine and he let out a primal yowl of pain, it was nowhere near as loud as the screams of Nick when that man had his leg ripped off by a frigging hedge trimmer, a fucking hedge trimmer of all things and he had barely any anesthetic in him while he could feel bit by bit of his flesh, bone, sinew and fat ripped off in five short minutes. It was a clean, short job, but it didn't matter. Jamie had to survive this. He had to find out whether or not Nick made it to the hospital or not. 

These rescue workers should fucking abandon him, Jamie thinks. He was only trying to save a patient, a detective who had so much ahead of him as voices shout above him in a futile attempt to calm and reassure him, his mind is somewhere else. He is zoned out, Jamie's legs are getting numb as the time goes on, Jamie bitterly thinks 'This is what it is like to be truly alone. To be abandoned and to be in a grave, dead and all alone.' 

His lungs struggle to battle to inflate and deflate against a ten ton concrete block on his chest as he can feel the taste of copper in his mouth. He knows he is bleeding internally. He can feel his heart pounding against his sternum like a mallet pounding against a drum. He can feel the inky lifesource pouring through his injuries. Jamie can taste the grittiness of the dust in the air, he knows he should be praying to God that he doesn't die in this concrete coffin and that by some miracle, Nick Amaro has as well. Jamie can hear a rescue worker scream

"Hang on Dr. Reagan. Help is almost there. Hang on. Please...hang on. We are almost there."

Jamie can see nothing in front of him, absolutely nothing, its midnight pitch black and it is terrifying for him. The claustrophobic nature of this place is causing him to panic, his head is pounding, he doesn't know for how long he was out and he estimates that he has a Grade IV concussion and he is slipping back into the blissful darkness...he can hear the voices pleading, begging him to hang on, to hold on, but it makes no difference whether it is his father or the president of the United States ordering him, he is so fucking tired. His body is giving up on him, and slipping into shock and fuck...he closes his eyes and gives into the peaceful darkness as it rushes in with its warmth and soothing tranquility. His last thought is that of how he knows that he is alone...that the concept and notion of love is for deluded fools. 

Olivia Benson and the SVU team, including Finn, Munch and even Stabler and Cragen showed up. When Cragen shows up, it's a huge deal becuase he is normally reserved and hands off, but today is no ordinary day they will ever forget. The doctor comes in, a solemn expression on his face when he approaches them and begins

"I would like to ask for you all to sit down please."

Barba, Munch and Danny Reagan sit down as their anxiety shoots up through the roof and he begins

"Nick Amaro didn't make it. He passed away due to a fat embolism in his lung. There was nothing we could have done to save him. I'm incredibly sorry."

Olivia screams like a wounded animal as Erin holds her, she screams in a animalistic rage

"TELL ME THIS IS A LIE! TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE! YOU ARE LYING! AHHHH! NOOOOOOOOO!"

Olivia just buried her face in Erin's shoulder as Sonny broke down, his sobs shook his body, Fin felt tears trickle down his face. That hot tempered, protective, sweet, kind, amazing and brave detective grew angel wings and flew home. Amanda screamed and screamed until Linda Reagan sedated her. Peter Stone passed out from shock as Henry Reagan and Frank Reagan caught him and lay him down gently. Joe and Danny were trying their hardest to comfort Barba who was absolutely heartbroken and regretting the treatment he gave to Nick Amaro. But it was all too late...too late. Linda told him 

"They need you to identify the body and to make sure that it is indeed him." 

Barba choked out 

"I...I will."

There was no confidence in his voice, no swagger in his steps, nothing. He was completely drained, he was like a robot, like he had been blown clean with a firehose. His knees trembled as he went with the blonde woman who was a nurse into the cold, white mourge that smelled of antiseptic and she carefully pulled back the white sheet. Rafael could feel his stone cold composure break and he broke down when he saw the pale, vacant, peaceful, sleeping face of Nick Amaro. Maybe if he screamed and made enough noise and made a racket, Nick would wake up, make a sarcastic and witty comment on being naked in the hospital and they would scold him for frightening them and everything would be normal. But that wasnt to be. His eyes remained firmly closed, like a sleeping baby and Linda left him alone and he choked out

"H...How could you do this to us? How could you do this to Zara? W...what am I supposed to tell her? That her daddy isn't coming home? Huh?"

He dissolved into a fit of tears and sobs and whispered 

"Everyone at SVU will miss you. Everyone. I mean it. Goodbye Nick Amaro. May your soul rest amongst the clouds. May God greet you with kindness and mercy and may His hand of protection be extended upon you and shield you from evil, and until I meet you again, may you rest in his arms. Sleep well. Sweet dreams Nick. Sleep. You have deserved this sleep. You deserve it. You deserve the finery of Heaven." 

Barba leaned over and kissed Nick's forehead and covered him with the white sheet and walked out and Linda gave him a sad gaze and said 

"If you need anything. We all are a phone call away. All of you."

Barba nodded stiffly as he signed the paperwork and began the worst part of being an ADA, notifying the relatives of the deceased.

The emergency doors burst open again, pagers buzzing wildly and cellphones ringing for more trauma nurses and doctors as one of their own was being brought to a hospital across New York in the Bronx as they scream out commands and they are doing CPR and screaming updates on his vitals to various nurses and Dr. Reagan is wheeled to the X Ray room to examine his crushed torso and broken back while a highy specialized neurologist is doing neuro checks and there is a pure unadulterated expression of fear on the newly minted doctor's face as he struggles through the haze of his concussion and the trauma of the crane collapse and being unaware that his patient was dead, it was taking a mental toll on him. Soon he is put under and the most skilled surgeon in the Tri-State Reigon is brought in to work on Dr. Jamie in the O.R. and there are so many fractures and breakages that the radiologist lost count and the fact that there is a skull fracture doesn't help matters. They drill a hole to relive pressure on the brain so it can swell freely. All of this is while the Reagan family is unaware that their youngest is fighting for his life in NYC Health +Hospitals/North Central Bronx near Lewis and 1st street.

When Garrett ran over, out of breath from what he had heard from the news of the crane collapse, Frank said

"What hospital?"

"In the NYC Health+Hospitals/North Central Bronx."

"Who is it?"

"Jamie Reagan."

And this time, it was Frank's turn to take a seat and process those words as everyone took a look at each other and ran to the hospital, which took five hours due to traffic and ambulances and rescue workers and cops and worried relatives clogging up the streets. Jamie still wasn't out of surgery but he was at least still alive and that was all that mattered to the Reagans.


	16. Dark Sky

Jamie was under general anesthesia for nine hours as the surgeons re arranged his broken tibia and fibula, not to mention his broken hips and dislocated left shoulder and scapula. Jamie was sleeping peacefully in the O.R, completely unaware of his colleagues working round the clock to save his life and to repair his injuries as best as they could. There is only so much a surgeon's blade can fix. There is only so much damage the chemist's drug can heal, one can only wonder what hidden damage within the conciousness of Jamie still remains, what trauma still scars him, who knows how much still remains. 

Danny is busy with paperwork, trying to distract himself to no avail as he watches the red light above the operation room glow steadily. It is a beacon of hope and it is a guiding light that Jamie still fighting, still alive. Soon the light turns off and a surgeon comes by in a bloodied gown and has a look of exhaustion and sleep deprivation on his face, he smiles wearily and the Reagan family breathes a sigh of relief, that their young baby will be ok, that he will survive his injuries. 

Henry and Frank pray at the chapel, it's a place that they are all too familiar with becuase they have comforted worried parents, spouses, children, siblings and have been the receiving end of comfort themselves. They are thankful that Jamie has survived surgery, now the time has come for them to focus on how Jamie is going to recover, Jamie has so much nerve damage in his legs and his back was broken but there was no spinal damage, the concussion however will be no walk in the park and he will not be allowed to conduct any surgeries until he can pass the neuro exams. 

The Nurse only allows two visitors at a time in Jamie's room in the ICU. Danny and Erin are the first ones in his room and they hold his relaxed, pliant, calloused hands and Erin notices so many bandages, splints, braces, tubes, drips and needles on Jamie, it is so overwhelming for her to see her baby brother, her kid brother to get hurt so badly that he would need a ventilator and a oxygen mask on his face. There is a drain snaking out of the side of his head and there are machines carefully monitoring his pulse ox levels. If it were not for the beeping machine, he might as well have appeared dead. 

Danny whispers 

"Hey kid brother, you got yourself in a serious pickle right there. You need to stop getting hurt like this. At this rate, I'm gonna be completely bald by my fiftieth birthday. But seriously...please...stop getting hurt. I read the charts and Linda explained to me what they meant, and it wasn't pretty looking. Jamie slowly opened his eyes, his voice groggy and his pupils distant, he is mumbling incoherently about 

"Nick...Nick...stay...Nick..."

Joe's heart clenches at those words as he struggles to think of the proper way to break to a severely injured and traumatized person that their patient is dead, especially if said person is a human polygraph machine. He eventually lies through his teeth

"Nick is ok. He's at Kaiser Permanente hospital."

Even Henry is at a loss for words as he holds his great Branson's hand and crushes the Nurse call button and Tanyah, a African American nurse who blushes ever so slightly and brings a muscle relaxant and ups the pain meds before stuttering

"Dr. Jamie helped me get hired. He is a very sweet man. Always so kind to everyone. Even us nurses. Doctors can be assholes to us, especially surgeons, but not him. He always takes time out of his day to make sure we are ok. He is so kind."

She shyly backs out before anybody can say anything and they know how much their son is a true angel to his patients and it shows a lot through how compassionate and kind he is to everyone in his line of work. Frank comes in, muttering darkly about the line of work that Jamie is in and he says 

"Jamie should never have been there. He should not have been in the wreckage. If he had been a police officer or a lawyer, he would not have been injured in the crane collapse."

Vinny and Eddie both run over and gasp at the sight of the man they love is so badly hurt, Jamie slowly wakes up and asks 

"Where is Nick? Where...is he?"

His words are slurred and his eyes are droopy as Henry says, unaware of Joe's white lie

"I'm so sorry son. Nick passed away."

Jamie is very agitated and very disturbed at this as he murmurs 

"No...Noo....nonono! You...you lied. You lied to me. YOU LIED TO MEEEE!"

The alarms are screaming and beeping as Jamie continues 

"How could you do this to me? YOU LIIIIIIIEEEEEEDDD. AGHHHHH."

Jamie is completely agitated and squirming around as Taniyah and Aidan run in with Dr. Lucas as they try to hold him down, Jamie shrieks

"Get OUTTTTT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! ALL OF YOOOOU! FUCK OFF FOR ALL I CAAARE!"

Dr. Richard Alameda Stevenson rushes in and places an oxygen mask on and speaks in a crisp and clear tone that commands authority and fear from everyone, even Frank Reagan respected and feared the graying, tall man who was twice divorced and married to his job. His eyes were a steel grey and had a piercing stare that would bore through your soul. His unflappable demeanor was a anchor in the chaotic environment known as the E.R. His full title and job description was known as the Dean of Medicine and he was completely and understandably pissed off at the Commissioner of the New York Police Department. His patient was agitated and traumatized from having tons of rubble and metal crush him. It is not uncommon for severely injured patients who have had severe head injuries, especially to be easily agitated and to be disoriented and distressed by the arguing that's going on by Henry and Frank and about Jamie's career choice and right now, Dr. Stevenson couldn't have cared less if Frank Reagan is the president of the United States, right now his patient needs to calm down and relax and none of these people are helping at all.

Jamie is moaning and groaning and clawing at his sheets and screaming as Dr. Stevenson points at Frank

"You are the Commissioner of the NYPD." 

And then he jabs his finger at Henry 

"And YOU are the former Commissioner of the NYPD. Both of you need to act like it." 

These men could technically get him sued but he doesn't care. He has to do this in his patient's best interests, and that means getting these two men out of here and NOW. 

"He wants you all out of here. Now! Hey! Hey!"

The doctor steps in the way of Frank and Jamie and threatens slowly

"If I see that you take another step towards my patient. Regardless of his relationship to you. I swear I will get a restraining order. I don't care if you are the president of America, mark my words, I will do this in the name of of Dr. Jamie Reagan's best interests. And yes, he named me his medical proxy, so what I say, goes, got it?"

Both men are equally chastised for their behavior as they walk out, Jamie has exhausted his energy and passed out as the doctors and nurses cast angry glares at the two men as Linda is about to launch herself into another rant, but Danny holds onto her and she holds back on what she has to say, but goddamit, she is pissed. And Frank needs a long earned chewing out.


	17. Awaken The Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck ass at funeral speeches and religious imagery since I'm an atheist.

Jamie was peacefully unconscious and sedated after yesterday's fiasco involving Henry and Frank Reagan and whenver the men visited Jamie, they were under close supervision from Dr. Stevenson, he was not taking chances again, especially with these two volatile men in his bulding, he was the freaking Dean of Medicine for fuck's sake, he was going to make sure that despite whatever those two men wanted and desired, Jamie's needs and best interests were put first and that meant keeping them out of the room for now or keeping them under heavy supervision. 

Rafael Barba was busy with the funeral arrangements and making sure that Nick Amaro had a coffin and a grave ready for him so that his funeral could proceed. None of the SVU were able to function at all and Cragen gave them three weeks off, officially this was so that they could find a replacement for Nick, unofficially, it was so that they could get their heads back in the game again. Olivia refused to even look near the stack of candidates who were qualified for the position of Senior Detective, she could only think of one person and he was busy with his brother's recuperation as of right now. Zara cried and cried for her papi and didn't understand why he wasn't coming back and that made his Aunt Leonora wail with grief as she gripped Zara, her tears rolled down her face, streaming like rivers cascading down her cheeks, her face was puffy and red all over, her eyes were bloodshot as they tried their best to make the arrangements. What they didn't know was that the church that they chose for Nick's funeral was the same place was where Frank married his wife and held her funeral as well as the funeral for his mother, Betty Reagan.

Nick's mother was understandably inconsolable and completely bereaved, her only son was dead and she had to bury the same baby that she struggled to push into the world after nine tortuous hours of labor and her baby, despite being an adult and a senior detective, was still her baby, and would always be her child. 

Linda and Danny yawned and got up and prepped for the funeral, dressed in their black clothes, Danny was wearing the black version of his police uniform and his badge had a black stripe across it as a symbol of solidarity in grief and remembrance for their fallen brother in arms. Joe Reagan woke up his secret boyfriend Anthony Renizulli and they both dressed in their uniforms and Anthony leaned in and captured Joseph's lips in his own and whispered lovingly 

"Don't worry baby...I'm here...you can cry on my shoulder, to hell with my uniform for all I care...just don't contain your feelings.. ok?"

Joe shakily nodded as he held the firm, strong and callous hands of his lover as Anthony drove to the church. 

Jamie Reagan was still too weak and injured to even get out of bed, much less even make it to the funeral, but it is not uncommon for head injury victims to have amnesia during the recovery process from a concussion, especially if they had a skull fracture and a brain bleed. Jamie still thought his patient was alive. He groused to his boss

"Hand me the chart please."

Dr. Stevenson handed it over knowing that not a single word he would say, change the iron willed mind of the young Reagan, it reminded Dr. Stevenson of himself when he was younger, when he had more patience, more energy. Jamie flipped through the chart and snorted

"Dr. Matterhorn needs to work on his fucking handwriting. It's like I'm trying to read Cyrillic here and Cyrillic is more readable than this shit."

It was Jamie-speak for

'Don't even fucking begin discussing this shit'

Jamie kept flipping through the charts and the numbers and crunched the numbers on how much of the controlled substances were injected into his body and he snorted

"Damn shit...all the morphine boosters and oxycodone is gonna make me addicted to painkillers."

"We will make sure that you don't."

Erin came in announcing

"I came in bearing offerings. I heard you were losing weight so I brought some Sunday dinner leftovers."

"Erin. The meds suppress my appetite. Don't worry."

"If Dr. Stevenson says it's not normal, then I'm really concerned and so is everyone else."

"I'm the better doctor, so my opinion is right and he is wrong."

Dr. Stevenson raised his hands in a fake-surrender as the two siblings bickered and Erin kissed his forehead and walked out, it didn't escape Jamie's notice that his sister was wearing all black. 

Erin arrived at the church just in time before the funeral program started, she went over and sat next to her daughter Nicki and watched as the pall bearers, who were Nick's former colleagues in his life were now carrying him down the aisle next to the podium. The coffin was draped in the green striped flag and the family of Nick were sobbing and screaming loudly, nobody could blame them at all, not a single bit for the loss of their son that they truly loved. Frank felt his veins turn to ice, sweat was collecting on his palms as he stood up and turned his head towards the coffin, the dead young man that had so much to live for, was no more forever. He always hated funerals and he hated this part of being the Commissioner so much, he hated this part of life.

He stood calmly and began

"We are here to honor and celebrate the life of Senior Detective Nicholas Amaro. His valor and courage in the face of danger and death was unshaken, despite the fear and the pain, he remained strong and stalwart. He is and always will be one of the finest examples of NYPD, his ability to close cases and bring justice to victims and survivors as well as answers to countless questions will be missed. When one of our brother or sister in arms passes away in the line of duty, we grieve that loss, it leaves a hole in our heart and we carry that hole in our hearts that can never be filled. Our hearts break for the Amaro family, friends and for those who knew him closely. New York City is in mourning with you, we all stand in solidarity with you. Nick, may God give you a warm welcome, may your soul be at ease and may His arms shelter you from pain and suffering, may the skies be blue and the sun glow brightly and the path be lit with the stars to peace. And until we meet...may God hold you close to Him..."

Frank's voice cracked near the end of his speech as he broke down, weeping like he had never wept before, not even when his best friend McKenna had died of cancer. This was a young man who just died so tragically and painfully, that Jamie's subconscious was blaming itself for begging Nick to let him amputate the leg. 

Rafael Barba never expected to be here, attending the funeral of Nick, that man seemed so...strong, so...iron-willed, so strong, and so temperamental that he made Danny seem calm in comparison. What they didn't realize that Danny was sinking in a depression and found a razor helped ease things...just a tiny bit, however, Danny always managed to conceal his wounds by wearing dark coloured trousers. Barba stood at the podium and began

"The first time I met him, I thought he was a sweet and kind guy and I thought he should have been a nurse instead. He sure as hell had the kindness and patience that I sure as hell don't possess. He always tried his hardest to show up with a smile and would always know how to sweat a perp in a box. He was a charming sweet teddy bear for those he cared about and he cared for all of us deep inside. Yes he was prickly and he had a rough exterior, but he had a heart of gold. He had a sense of unwavering loyalty for those who deserved it and God...we didn't deserve him..."

Barba broke down weeping and sat down at the pew as the priest said the incantations and prayers and they sung sacred songs and recited verses from the Bible and read prayers out loud. Eddie and Vinny both were at the funeral as well and they knew that Jamie was a sensitive man and that hearing that Nick was dead, was definitely not going to weigh well with him at all. The coffin was taken to the hearse as the musicians played "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes and Amanda broke down, howling and screaming 

"Oh Amaro! Amaro! Noooooo!" 

She fell into the arms of Erin and sobbed hysterically and uncontrollably as Linda guided the weeping officer to the car. It was a beautiful sunny day, it seemed like a complete insult to the memory of Nick who loved to play with Zara in the rain and splashed in the puddles as a toddler and often tracked mud inside the house. His mother would give her house and car and everything she had to have her son ruin the carpet and splash in the puddles and get his clothes soaked again. The flag was folded into a triangle and handed to the sobbing mother, Maya Amaro, and she kissed the coffin lid and lay a bouquet of white roses and one by one, the people filled over to say their goodbyes to a fallen warrior, a slain hero and he was lowered into the earth's embrace forever.


	18. Overdrive.

Jamie sat up in his bed and was filling out his paperwork as Dr. Stevenson watched his numbers and tracked them carefully and noted them in the charts. A graying Hispanic woman gripping her black, shiny purse with her shoulders hunched and her head bowed, she clung onto a younger woman, they both had red rimmed eyes and Dr. Stevenson looks up and asks

"Who are you looking for?"

The elderly woman sighed deeply, and took a breath as if speaking hurt and and began

"I'm...I'm...looking for a Dr. Reagan. Dr. Jamie Reagan."

Jamie looked up and saw those eyes, he saw a burning grief in them, this mother was not here to express her gratitude for the rescue of her son, no she was here for something else. He shakily began

"Hi, I'm Dr. Jamie Reagan."

"I'm Maya Amaro. I'm Nick Amaro's mom. And this is Leonora Amaro, his older sister. I...uh wanted to thank you for rescuing my son Nick, for staying with him..."

Jamie tells Dr. Stevenson

"Boss, can you give us a moment?"

"But..."

"You can do your charting ouside. Out now."

The older man meekly leaves and Jamie's posture stiffens and his heart rate spikes slightly. Speaking with patients always affects Jamie in a sort of way, but the fact that he spoke to Nick and tried to explain the situation to him in such a cold and clinical manner to him in order to try and save him. 

Danny comes to the hospital that night to visit Jamie when Dr. Stevenson runs over in alarm and begins in a panicky manner, his voice is trembling as he begins

"Dr. Reagan is missing. He isn't here anymore! When I checked on him last, he...he was acting so odd...so agitated."

"What possibly could have triggered this?"

"He spoke with Nick's mom and sister."

"You have got to be shitting me." 

Danny knew that his brother had a tendency to run away when things got too much for him. He remembered all the times Jamie threatened to run away from home, to start a new life, but it never happened. He knew that Jamie would probably try to run to a place that he constantly threatened to run to, Grand Central Park.

Danny looked up and texted everything that he was told to everyone else as they formed search parties to find Jamie. They were completely suprised that a man with a severe head injury and a spinal injury and a broken leg was able to get out of bed, much less go to a fucking park. Danny knew that it was at least three buses from this hospital to the park and when he neared a tree, he saw his brother sitting at the base of the pine tree. Danny ran over and called the others that Jamie was safe and ok and took a closer look and realized that there was a glazed look in his brother's eyes, like he was disassociating himself from the reality that he was in. Jamie was gasping and his skin was deathly pale, his lungs were wheezing horribly as Danny chastised him

"Jesus Jamie! You look like shit! You worried the hell out of us you know!"

"Ya know...I one time planned to run here...away from you all...or better yet...move out of the fucking country, with a new idenity. I want to be someone different. I want to forget my past."

Jamie sat in the bed, waiting for Maya to continue, her eyes were puffy and she began, as Jamie mutely waited...she tried again

"The reason I didn't come sooner was becuase...I blamed you...I blamed you for my baby boy's death. I always wondered, what would have been different if you had not amputated my son's leg. Perhaps they would have been able to get my son out regardless."

This woman does not seem like someone who got her son back from the brink of death. Perhaps he should have not insisted Nick on amputating his leg...perhaps things would have been different....if only.

"But I realized that you did what you did in his best interests. You put him above your personal safety, you risked death and severe injury to try and save my son. You are a brave, brave man. You only did what you did becuase that amputation was the only option. I am grateful for your attempt to save my son...even if it all was in vain."

All the blood drains from Jamie's face as his mind comes to a sudden realization...that Nick Amaro is dead. Nick Amaro is never coming back. And he failed Nick as he begins.

"Wh...what?"

She sucked in another breath as Leonora continued

"My brother may have died of a fat embolism from the amputation that you did. We both blamed you. We both were very angry, but the rescue workers, the firefighters, they explained it all to us very carefully. So we forgive you. Me and my Mami forgive you, you did your best to save our Nick. So thank you for risking everything, your life, and his life, doing what needed to be done and giving us a chance...to say our goodbyes to him."

Jamie broke down after he told everything to everyone, who by now had gathered at the tree and Danny gave him a sedative and drove him back to the hospital where Dr. Stevenson notes with dismay that Dr. Jamie is back on the nasal cannula and Sydney Davenport and nervously walked towards Jamie's hospital room, she wanted to see Jamie, to reconcile with him, but she didn't realize...he had moved on from her. He never truly needed her. Jamie was recovering from his heartbreak, he was becoming stronger and stronger and he was in love in two different people that had accepted him for who he was. Danny was massaging his brother's knuckles as Henry was busy chastising Frank at Staten Island and warned him

"You tried to change your son's sexuality and it backfired on you badly. Are you willing to risk his mental health again just to comfort your ignorance again? Are you ready to drive away your son and never hear from him. He ran to the park thinking it could heal him, we need to show him how sorry we are and shove our prejudices about choosing different careers up our fucking asses. You hear me?"

"Yes pop."


	19. Divine Infektion

Jamie looked up this time to see the blonde woman who was his ex fiancee and she sat next to him and Jamie bristled at the presence of her as she sobbed at the sight of so many injuries on him and he was resentful being bedridden for so long. Jamie scoffed at her tears as she began

"I'm so sorry for breaking up with you. I didn't mean to treat you so badly. I really am so sorry. I...I really love you, even after all this...I never really moved on after we broke up in my apartment, ya know?"

Jamie was pissed off...after all this time he had harbored heartbreak and resentment and he held it within like a bomb ready to explode within when he screamed with all the primal rage that he had within.

"I’m not some fucking consolation prize you can crawl back to Sydney. I’m not some fucking arm candy you can show off! You never supported me in law school, you never supported me in medical school. What kind of love is that? What kind of love is it to control the dreams of the person that you supposedly love? Don’t claim to love someone and then break up with them when its inconvenient for you and then crawl back to them when you need them. Stop fucking with my heart! Just stop it! I cant trust you after what you did. Who the hell goes up to the guy they claim to love and then says ‘I wish I never loved you'. What kind of fucking love is that? You basically treated me like a disease, like you would rather not be associated with me! Like you could barely tolerate me. I’m not some guy you can toss aside when you find a newer and better model. I’m just not. I just can’t be that replaceable. YOU LIED SYDNEY DAVENPORT, YOU LIED TO ME YOU FUCKING SLUT! YOU ARE A LIAR AND A WHORE. Get. Out. GET OUT. GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. Get out before I get you banned from every hospital in the tri-state area. I have that influence, sway and power, belive it."

Jamie's pain, sorrow and rage exploded like a fiery dragon rising from the ashes of death and destruction, ready for revenge and Sydney's face crumpled up into tears as she ran off, sobbing as Danny taunted her

"See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!"

Joe snarked

"Don't let the door hit you on your way out bitch! Karma just came in and served some sweet, sweet justice long awaited."

Vinny and Eddie both came by as well, bringing gift baskets of chocolates and candies and teddy bears and plenty of gifts to cheer him up. Jamie beamed instantly and reached out his arms to the two as they cuddled up with each other. Eddie ran her fingers through James's soft and curly brown hair and kissed him while Vinny cracked open a joke book and read aloud some soccer jokes that would make Jamie laugh till his stitches split and Jamie was laughing so hard, he nearly peed his bed, tears were rolling down his cheek from laughing, even Eddie was laughing like crazy from the jokes Vinny liked to crack. Some of them were dirty, sex themed jokes but others were more age appropriate, but he wanted to cheer up his lover Jamie so much and kept planting kisses all over Jamie and massaged his aches and pains while he recovered. 

Sonny was waking up and he smelled coffee, a strong and pungent smell like that pierced his nostrils and he got so nauseated that he ran to the toilet and ran and heaved out his guts and groaned as he lay on his side, feeling sick and dizzy as he lay on the cool tiles in his bathroom. He noticed a tiny bump in his stomach and shrugged it off, thinking that he had eaten too much food since the funeral of Nick. He cried, his tears rolling down his cheeks as he curled up in a fetal position. He could hear the pounding on the door, but he wasn't bothered enough to get up and go answer the door. The pounding got louder and louder as Barba yelled 

"You know I'm not gonna move from this spot until you answer the door!"

Sonny groaned and got up, not wanting his door kicked in, he unlocked his door and let in the brunette and they both lay on the couch as Rafael added

"I came here to see you, I was concerned for you. So was everyone else. You seem like someone who was affected by this more than the rest of us. What's going on?"

"N...nothing."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me Sonny. It means so much to me. To make you feel better."

"I slept with Nick...we loved each other...we were dating...we were in love...I LOVED NICHOLAS AMARO! AHHHHHH!"

He broke down into a fit of sobs and tears in the arms of Barba, who scooted over and held onto the weeping man as they tried to find a way to heal through this horrible pain all by themselves.

Mike Dodds took off his dogtags and sighed, as he went to the board room to meet with his handlers, it had been nearly a decade since he faked his death from everyone, including his own father, he began to Agent Cunningham and Agent Warden

"Its time for me to retire, my dad is sick, and he is getting worse, I don't know how much time he has left, I want to leave the CIA."

Warden responded 

"We will certainly miss your invaluable efforts and countless sacrifices for America and all the heroic deeds you did in order to save so many lives." 

Both of the handlers salute Mike one last time as he exits the bulding and goes back to New York and to try and find where his dying father was now and which hospital.


	20. Flesh coated Technology

Jamie Reagan was now discharged from the hospital with strict instructions to not come back to work until his PT cleared him for duty and Dr. Jamie groaned as his physician read aloud the conditions for working again and he was not happy at all, to say the very least. 

Erin groaned when she saw her shift changed again and she read through the charts and read that she would be airlifting a patient to Washington D.C for immunotherapy that would not be available in New York. 

She smooched her sons Jack Reagan and Sean Reagan and warned them to do their homework and hugged her husband Danny, who was lugging home a ream of paperwork that still needed to be filled out and he had six more reams to go and they all were in his SUV, ready to be filled out. He hugged her tightly and kissed her on the cheek and called out 

"Love you"

"Love you more"

"I love you the most babe. Be safe, ok?"

Linda winked and left for her nightshift, carrying her own paperwork and her stethoscope and med bag with her and then she parked at the employee parking lot and grabbed her scrubs and dressed in the locker room and locked up her everyday clothes and placed her pager in her waistband and her cellphone in her pocket and signed in for the night and helped with transferring the patient from the bed to the stretcher and strapping the young lady down for safety reasons. Her name was Clara Winders and she had been battling a tumor for the past three years with a good fight and Linda helped the stretcher into the helicopter and put an IV on and some medications in and then the door was slid shut as Linda put her earmuffs on with a mic in and put another pair on for the patient so that they could easily communicate without having to scream over the whirring noise of the helicopter blades. 

Jamie was fussed over by Vinny and Eddie endlessly, Eddie offered him drinks and massages while Vinny offered old movies of gangsters and mafias and car chases and even brought over his PS4 for a marathon gaming session between the three as they giggled and laughed and watched The Godfather series in one sitting while getting enough junk food that Jamie normally would not approve of, but he was being pampered and spoiled and he felt like he didn't deserve it at all, especially all the love and kindness that they were showering him with. 

Jamie opened up slightly by saying

"I don't deserve you two. You both have made me feel so complete in such a way...I can't even comprehend, nor can I ever repay either of you for all the sacrifices that you both have done to keep me going, ya know?"

Eddie smiled a bright smile and snorted

"I think it is I, who does not deserve you. You are a savior for many, you are a healer. You are a good man, and a good doctor."

Vinny added

"You brought us all together, you tied our souls together Jamie, you should watch some soccer. I will make you sit through the whole thing, and even better, there are no commercials or interruptions to pull us away cause well, we both banged in sick to take care of you for tonight, then it's back to Major Organized Crimes and Narcotics for me."

Eddie shrugged

"Speak for yourself, I have a twelve hour beat tomorrow and I can't afford to be late, but with New York traffic, I'll be lucky if I can arrive at my own funeral in time."

Jamie threw the pillow at her and warned

"Hey! Don't say that Eddie! We love you!"

"I know! I know! It was a joke! Ok?"

"Good...now c'mere you two."

Jamie closed his eyes and cuddled his lovers.

Erin could feel the chopper shaking and rattling wildly as the thunderstorm strengthened and the turbulence caused the patient to moan in distress and Linda rubbed her leg and reassured her

"Everything will be ok, we will be all right. It's just some turbulence."

Deep inside, Linda wasn't sure of her words, these were words of empty comfort to a terrified patient and she didn't belive them herself. She grabbed out her phone and sent out one last text as she didn't want to disturb her husband from his endless marathon of paperwork 

"I love you Danny Reagan. Take care of Jack and Sean. Don't forget to smile and laugh."

The chopper was spinning wildly and Linda was holding onto the metal pole beside her, screaming in terror one last time as the helicopter crashed and all went dark.

The phone was endlessly buzzing and Danny finally picked it up and said

"Hello? This is Detective Danny Reagan speaking right now."

"Hello, we are contacting you becuase Linda Reagan has listed you as her emergency contact. Is that correct."

"Yeah? I'm her husband."

"Your wife was involved in a helicopter accident. There were no survivors. I'm sorry."

Danny dropped the cellphone and he let out an animal sound, he was howling, and screaming in anguish, everything, including his worries for his paperwork was put on the back burner as all he could think

"This has to be a fucking cruel prank. This is so cruel. They can't do this to me!"

Danny continued screaming as Sean and Jack bolted down the stairs and saw their father collapsed in a heap, curled in a fetal position as they held onto him and begged him to answer them, to respond to their pleas, but Danny was too absorbed in his grief as he screamed and screamed, Sean was so scared that he grabbed the home phone and called their grandfather Frank and great grandfather Henry to come over. Frank drove over with the lights and sirens on and they came over to Danny lying in the middle of the room, Henry held onto Danny until he was able to get a hold of himself and he began

"Linda...Linda...she's gone...LINDA IS GONE!"

Danny screamed and howled in a rage that could never be understood as Frank held him and allowed him to mourn and grieve for as long as he needed to, Henry brought over some tea as he made the phone calls and notified everyone for Danny since he was in no shape to do so. Danny drank some hot chocolate that Henry made and Frank tucked him in bed. Both men let out their tears, their hearts shattered for Danny Reagan.


	21. Cause she's the living dead

Danny was knocking back drink after drink, sobbing and muttering to himself as he drank glass after glass in a failed attempt to drown out the loss, to forget the pain, to fill the hole in his soul. The beer, the wine, the whiskey, it filled his belly, but it did nothing to heal his broken heart. Johnny Lawrence saw the drunken male slurring his words at the bar and he was worried, the man was incoherent and dizzy and probably didn't know where he was. Johnny saw a wallet-like object fall to the ground and picked it up and unfolded when he gasped in horror and gulped when he realized that the drunk man was a detective...perhaps this Detective Reagan was undercover...perhaps he was off duty...who knew? But he had to get this man home, who knew who would find this drunk man, stumbling alone and completely inebriated and unaware of their surroundings. 

Johnny tapped Danny's shoulder gently and said

"Hey buddy? You are completely wasted. You need to go home. You're drunk, you don't want anything that you will regret later happen to you, trust me, you don't want to be here, ok? Get up and go home, sober up and rest up."

"My...Linda...is....GONE! SHE IS DEAD!"

Johnny said nothing, raised his hands in surrender as the man screamed and howled over about Linda dying in a crash, Johnny didn't blame the angry man for turning to drinking, he did it himself when his mother died years ago, he was so plastered that he didn't attend his wife's birth of their son Robby Keene. But he knew that he had to at least try to save someone else from the fate that he suffered as a result of his own actions. As Johnny once screamed to Daniel 

"I have no one else to blame but myself. Everything in my life is my fault."

Johnny noticed a business card slip through Danny's drunk and clumsy fingers and dialed it on his phone and he heard a Italian accented woman answer with a curt 

"Hello? This is Detective Curatola. Who is this?"

"Uh, yes. This is uh, Johnny Lawrence, I uh, found a Detective Danny Reagan, completely drunk at a bar, he...he's sleeping in the booth right now, but he is mumbling about someone named Linda...I think that's what he was talking about. Are you Linda?"

"Uh...no, I'm his partner Jackie Curatola. His wife is Linda Reagan. Where are you right now?"

"I'm at Uncle Sam's Saloon off of Gage and Keeawaydin Road."

"All right then, make sure he stays with you, I'll come over in a few."

It was thirty minutes later after battling and cursing and flipping the bird at taxi drivers and pedestrians and bikers alike when she arrived at the dive bar and walked over and held up her badge and Johnny stood up and smiled sadly and told Jackie 

"Easy, I wasn't gonna kidnap your partner...He's very wasted. Get him home and convince him to sober up. Don't let him here, if he comes here to drink like this, it will become a habit that will become very difficult to break. Trust me, I have been there before."

There was a sadness, a regret, a pain in Johnny's eyes that Jackie could see, he had been through so much and had lost someone special, Jackie could tell that, just from his wavering voice at the end of his mini-speech, he looked like a man who struggled with his demons and was running away from the ghosts of his past. Jackie nodded and added

"Thank you. No, really, thank you. Who knows what horrible person could have done to him."

Jackie hauled a drunk Danny to the car and buckled him in and warned him

"You puke in my car, you will clean it up, I swear."

Danny slurred

"Whatever."

"Hey! Don't you back talk me! We need to get you to the funeral right now and you look like shit!"

"Funeral! Today? Oh shiiiitttt...."

"Yes! Now you remember! We gotta come up with a few words that your drunk ass can remember easily, ok?"

"Su...uuureee..."

"Fuck...all right. Let's see here. Um...you could begin with how you loved your wife and how you cherished her and how she made you complete and all that stuff...maybe throw in a story or two...maybe you could um...uh...talk about some stories of how you got together and maybe even...ugh darn it! Why do I suck at this!"

"I'll im... I'll make...what's that word for making things up as you...go?"

"Uh...improvise?"

"Yesss...that's...it...that's it..."

They soon arrived at the massive church and Jackie hauled the drunk detective to his wife's funeral, cursing in Italian, Spanish, and English.

He finally was plopped down on the wooden bench next to Frank, who could smell the alcohol on Danny's breath, the coffin was brought in by Jamie, Joe, Erin, Vinny, Henry and Frank. Danny stumbled towards the podium, drunkenly as he he began haltingly 

"I...I loved Linda so much. I loved her more than I could even love myself. She was my darling. She was everything I could only dream to be. I...I loved her so much...I...I felt so complete thanks to her..."

Frank could see that Danny was completely out of it and got Jamie to continue off where Danny left the speech, while Joe led Danny back to the pew and Danny wept some more and the funeral was conducted. At the cemetery, Erin and Frank Reagan both had to prop up Danny, who was extremely drunk and dizzy and they watched as the coffin was lowered into the earth forever.

Meanwhile Mike Dodds gripped his father's hand and cried for the man that had raised him, loved him and mourned for him when he had faked his death all those years ago in order to protect the SVU and his father from the cartel. The cartel had been making death threats especially against his father William and Mike would do anything to protect them all...Mike wept as he said his goodbyes and nodded to the doctor as the doctor turned off the life support and the machines let out a wail.


	22. War of light and dark

Mike screamed in grief and sobbed as the nurses took the body away and sobbed loudly, his shoulders shook with the force of the hiccups as he wiped away his tears and went out of the hospital and wailed to the heavens, his father had essentially given up on living when he went undercover by faking his death. William always made it clear how much he loved his son when he was alive, he always was there for his son and always did what he could for Mike whenever he could.

Danny Reagan was now waiting his turn for the Sargent exam and his heart was pounding in his sternum, he was nervous for this moment, his anxiety was shooting through the roof as he entered the exam hall and he was reading through his notes one last time before putting them away and clicking the pen and answering the questions on the test packet. He read the questions several times over and answered them as carefully as he could and it took him four hours to finish the packet and he turned it in, his hands were shaking a bit as he left and Jackie smiled and hugged him and whispered 

"Congrats and good luck."

Danny shakily smiled as he sighed, he was trying to apply for the rank of Sargent so that he would get better pay since his son Jack had gone to a community college for forensic psychology. Jack wanted to help people like his father with profiling criminals so that they could take down criminals easier when witnesses were hard to come by, especially nowadays in today's world of stalking and harassment in the digital age. 

Danny sighed sadly, his sons were growing up far too fast for his taste, he wanted them to stay younger a bit longer so he could enjoy their presence, to help him heal, but he knew he needed help, so he went to a under-the-radar counseling center that promised results for whatever ailed him and his grief was clearly hurting him deeply. 

Jamie and Vinny and Eddie were getting ready for the day, helping Jamie onto his crutches and helping him with his physical therapy and helping him through the back and knee pain as well as pain in his torso, his ribs twinged painfully as he took deep breaths or laughed or did anything strenuous with them, he was mainly stuck with paperwork that he had been unable to complete post-crane collapse. Jamie kissed them both goodbye as they went to their precincts. Joe and Renizulli woke up with a start, grabbing their things and haphazardly tossing on their uniforms and their weapons and badges before running to their car and driving it to their precinct, they barely managed to clock in right on time and sighed in relief and they were able to pick up a tour and get the desirable time slot as opposed to the midnight slots which were the worst of the worst and every police officer dreaded the midnight shift. Midnight shifts were the worst becuase usually the worst of the worst were out and about at night, and causing a racket and trouble for the officers.


	23. Whatever will be, will be

Dodds walked home to the old house where he used to live with his father before he moved out, he took a look at the photos and broke down into tears all over again, he hoped his dad wasn't in pain when he died. He lay on the bed, tears streaming down his face when someone unlocked the door and he snuck over and saw it was Benson and relaxed...although Olivia let out a shrill scream that pierced his eardrums and promptly passed out in Mike's arms. 

Mike awkwardly held onto the unconcious Lieutenant and carried her to the bed and tucked her in and then when Olivia regained her senses, she saw Mike bringing over a cup of water and some biscuits. She squeaked

"You...that day...oh god... Munson...hostage..."

"Munson was part of the act to help me fake my death. The CIA helped me stage an elaborate ruse of a hostage situation where Munson would hold me hostage and then shoot me in the leg, he knew exactly where to shoot...it was planned exactly and precisely. Even my father had to be kept out of the loop due to the death threats against me."

Olivia slapped him angrily

"Do you realize what your dad went through? What we ALL went through? Your dad had a fucking heart attack seven months after you died! He barely ate, slept, or drank...he just...gave up...like he fucking died with you! I had to talk him out of suicide so many times Mike! Did you ever stop to think that? Or the fact that he soon had terminal pancreatic cancer, Stage IV? He was so depressed! He didn't even try to fight! He wanted to be dead with you!"

Olivia sobbed ugly sobs, her makeup was ruined and his shirt was stained with her mascara but he didn't care. Mike felt so guilty over putting his dad especially through so much pain and agony. 

Mike croaked

"I swear to God, I never meant any of this ever. I only wanted to do this becuase they threatened to bomb the SVU precinct and I had to protect you all...What's worse is that they threatened my dad...they threatened to rape and kill him."

"What you did to your dad...faking your death like that...was a thousand times worse than being murdered and having your throat cut open. You do not understand the agony your father went through becuase you're not a dad yet. When you do, you will understand how your father felt when he lost you. At least when you have your throat cut open, you are dead and it is over, but losing a child is so much worse becuase it is like dying but you are not dead. You are in essence the living dead. That is how your father felt every single day after he lost you. He felt himself die with you when he saw you die."

Olivia chastised him angrily and Mike could understand why she was so angry and he remained silent as she reminded him

"I swear to God, you fake your death one more time, I will break your damn jaw, laws be damned."

"I will let you do the jaw breaking, trust me."

Danny Reagan recived his results in a envelope that lay on his desk, he was nervous to open the letter and read the results of the Sargent exam, he was glaring at the envelope, willing it to burst into flames, anything, but nothing happened and then he decided to pull open the flap and unfold the letter and his heart sped up as he read the words

"Dear Danny Reagan,

Today we congratulate you on the results of your Sargent exam and we are pleased to report that you have satisfactorily met the scoring and interview requirements process procedures and you are hereby on this date of September 23rd 2010, you are awarded the rank, honor, prestige and pay of the Sargent. The promotion ceremony will be two weeks from today.

-Sincerely,

Commissioner Frank Reagan"

And below that was the loopy script of Frank's signature, his tears flooded his eyes and he wiped them away and he cheered and pumped his fist in the air and spun around in his chair in glee.

Jamie ran to the toilet and vomited and vomited all the contents of his stomach and he softly groaned as he looked up and flushed the toilet and chewed on a breathmint and quickly ran to a board meeting where he was supposed to present the safety report for the whole hospital, he felt so nauseated and he decided to sit down in a stool and present his findings that safety was improving but patient mortality rates were still concerning especially in the ICU and he proceeded to run and retch in the toilet and he flushed it again and he whimpered as he noticed a tiny bump in his belly and he lay on the cool tiled floor, dizzy and tired as he closed his eyes and waited for the dizzy spell to pass.


	24. In the dark

Jamie puked and puked some more, he groaned as Eddie and Vinny both ran over, comforting the doctor as tears leaked down the sides of his eyes from the force of retching so hard into the toilet. He whimpered some more and lay on the cool tiled floor before deciding

"Eddie...Vinny, I need your help to get up and help me into bed, I'm so calling in sick, I can't show up like this to the HealthExpo convention, I look I'm hungover! I'm the complete opposite of hungover as well."

He retched some more as Eddie rubbed his back and Vinny rode the bus to the store to pick up some cans of ginger ale and some stomach flu medication and rode the bus back with some groceries as well and some chocolate for Eddie since she was in the mood for some and he arrived back to Eddie cuddling a nauseated Jamie.

Joe Reagan woke up and yawned as he grabbed his uniform and Renizulli was cursing in Italian as they hopped into their pants and tied their shoes and ran down the stairs, cursing the broken elevator and drove their car to the precinct, when they arrived, some of the cops whistled and ooed and laughed as they struggled to clock in for their hours...which meant midnight shift...fun. Renizulli was cursing his ass off when he got the assignment and Joe sighed

"Oh well...there goes my chance of having a night of Prostitute Seduces Cop night with you."

Renizulli looked around, his head darting from left to righ as if he were watching for someone before he whispered angrily

"Quiet Joe! Shush! This isn't exactly shop talk you know!"

"Fair enough...but at least we will be together...forever babe."

"Yes, I get it...and..uh...I have been planning this for some time...but...here goes."

He went onto one knee, and pulled out a small purple velvet box in the shape of a rose and began

"Joseph Connor Reagan, the minute you entered my life, you changed it for the better, you made me a better human being and made me see things in a brighter lens than I did before. Your eyes are warm, hazelnut and chocolatey, you make my heart turn to goo and you make me laugh so much from your jokes, I have to try and not pee from laughing, I kid you not. I want to laugh at every joke you have, snack together at midnight and cuddle each other, and protect each other from the monsters on the television screen from horror movies and in the real mean streets of New York. Joe...you make me feel complete...you were right here all along...will you marry me Joe Reagan?"

"Anthony...Yes! A million times Yes! I will marry you!"

When he opened the box, there was a small engagement ring, it was a band with a blue heart shaped gem in the middle and he put it on Joe's finger and they kissed and kissed, not realizing that Danny was watching and cheering along with them, he was the happiest brother and he came over and patted Renizulli on the shoulder and gave him the classic

"You break my brother's heart and Commissioner Reagan won't protect you from a manhunt led personally by me. Got it?"

"Yes indeed I do."

Renizulli kissed his lover and fiancee Joe Reagan and they made out before going back to work and doing a midnight tour. The city was lit by the lights as they arrested a few people for disorderly conduct and drunk driving, but nothing too dangerous. 

Meanwhile, Jamie was sobbing as he read the pregnancy test results that he had done on himself, using a machine at work to test his HgC levels. He tested positive for high levels of HgC and he was approximately around one and a half months pregnant as well with Vinny's baby. He rode the bus home and sighed as he decided to make a little suprise by giving them a gift box with mini baby shoes inside with a baby cop onesie. 

Soon Eddie and Vinny came home and Jamie had cooked dinner and they were enjoying their conversation when Jamie brought over the gift box when they opened it and were in utter confusion as Eddie added

"Uh...nice arts and crafts project?"

Vinny was confused as he noticed the mini soccer ball and added

"I'm sure with our feet, we would need official size..."

Jamie began 

"The reason I did this was becuase I wanna annouce that...I'm having a baby..."

Vinny and Eddie were whooping and cheering as they all hugged and jumped in the air and Eddie popped some confetti and they giggled, excited to announce the pregnancy to the rest of the Reagans.

Danny was drinking and dancing and he sat in a bar all alone as women and men twirled around him lazily and they smiled and kissed him, but he paid them no mind as he focused on his drink and saw a handsome man, he recognized the man as detective Sam Croft who currently was undercover and the man flashed a seductive smile and whispered sweet nothings as they both kissed under the flashing lights and made love in Danny's bedroom.


	25. A Sense of Wholeness

Joe was halfway through his tour with Anthony Renizulli when he whimpered weakly

"Tonio? Tonio? Can you pull over? I'm feeling nauseated!"

Anthony pulled over instantly and Joe retched and vomited and retched some more as pedestrians gawked at the vomiting man, a woman came over and asked him

"Officer? Are you ok? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need any assistance?"

Joe let out a weak moan before passing out and Anthony ran over before yelling into his radio

"We need a bus here forthwith on Kahula and Burden Boulevard! We have an officer down."

The ambulance came as soon as it could and took Joe to the emergency room, the place was crowded with sick and injured people being cared for as Dr. Jamie walked over

"Joe? Are you ok? On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst pain you have felt, how bad is your pain?"

"I would say my pain is a five."

"How long does the pain last?"

"Its been steadily decreasing since thirty minutes ago."

"When did the pain start?"

"About an hour ago."

"Where is the pain located?"

"In my abdomen."

"All right, I will have blood and urine samples taken before any scans are taken."

"All right then."

Dr. Jamie left quickly to deal with other patients as quickly and efficiently as possible and the nurse drew his blood and handed him a cup to pee in and they took the blood and urine to the lab and Joe lay back in the bed as Henry, Frank, Danny and Erin ran over to check on him, Anthony was sitting right next to Joe the whole time, holding and rubbing his hand and giving him comfort and strength.

Joe smiled and said

"Hey guys...I know this is real sudden and shocking but Anthony and I are now offically engaged."

Frank babbled out  
"You're what?"

Henry muttered  
"It's about damn time, all you do is have heart eyes for that man child that is your boss."

Erin just smiled  
"I'm really happy for you...I'm really truly happy. And Renizulli, you break his heart, I'll dig up so much dirt on you, you'll regret hearing about the Reagan name, got it?"

Renizulli nodded sagely and acknowledged   
"I know that relationships aren't easy and this one won't be a walk in the park, but it is certainly worth it and I will fight to the death for the man I love. I really do love Joe Reagan, I really, truly do with the bottom of my heart."

They soon kissed deeply and Dr. Reagan walked back in and began  
"Sorry to break up the wonderful moment Joe, but according to our test results from your blood and urine cultures, you are two months pregnant. Congratulations."

He smiled widely as Joe just looked up at Anthony in shock as they realized, they were gonna be dads...


	26. Blizzard Fury

Joe and Renizulli were getting married in a intimate wedding ceremony at the courthouse as they were surrounded by tight knit friends and family. Anthony and Joe were both wearing their police uniforms as Frank walked Joe down the aisle and Anthony's heart caught in his throat as he murmured

"My oh my, god...I wanna love him forever, hes so hot in his uniform...goddamit!"

He could feel something warm and wet run down his cheeks as he watched Joe hold his calloused hands, hands that had been calloused from using guns and handcuffing perps and tackling criminals and doing heavy physical labor through his years.

The judge began

"Dearly beloved, today we are gathered for the holy matrimony for Sargent Anthony Renizulli and Joseph Connor Reagan, their love is true and pure and is bluer than blue, their union is beautiful and will shine brightly amongst the stars, you both may now exchange your vows."

Anthony began

"From the day I first started being your TO to the day you earned your stripes, I remember having feelings for you Joe...you had a fun sense of humor and loved to make fun of the T.V shows I watched, but know this now, I promise, I promise with my gold shield and my heart that I will hold you and wipe your tears away and protect you and cuddle you tight when you need a shoulder to cry on, I promise to love you forever and ever, I promise you that I will never break your heart and that I will fight for us always, every day, I'll choose you over everything and I'll always do it becuase...you make my heart soar like an angel when you smile with those big dazzling teeth and gosh...your eyes and hair...I could go on and on...but the thing is...I'll always do this till the day I die."

Joe was smiling and in tears of joy as he began

"Anthony, I remember when you made fun of me for giving up my chance to become a lawyer and said that cops usually become lawyers and not the other way around, but if I did become one, how would I ever have met such a sweet, handsome and jolly man like you? The thing is, you and I, we are soulmates...together forever...we are one and bonded and I love you...always...till the sun stops shining and the world ends...I promise you that nobody is gonna ever hurt you, not me...and I'll always make you my number one priority and I want to say...Thank you for loving me even when I wasn't sure of myself."

The judge brought over the rings and began

"You may now exchange rings."

Renizulli's wedding ring was a silicone blue wedding band since traditional ones can get stuck and often needed to be cut off and since he was a cop, a traditional metal wedding band would only encumber his finger.

Joe stuck with the traditional wedding band, his was blue with a green stripe in the middle to represent his Irish blood and the Judge concluded

"By the power vested in me of the State of New York, you are declared husband and husband, you may kiss the groom."

They both kissed deeply as the room erupted in cheers and applause, Frank could feel tears rolling down his face as they walked down the aisle together and they threw confetti in the air and they both left in a limo to go back to their apartment to make love and spend the night, basking in the afterglow as the baby grew inside Joe.


	28. So what?

Joe was puking again in a trash bag and doing tour at the same time, he moaned with the thought of his stomach churning and moving around like butterflies as his belly grew bigger and bigger, even Renizulli noticed one day and kissed his baby bump and cuddled him with a sort of joy, their hearts were all filled with so much happiness as he felt the innocent human being growing in his belly, he could feel the baby occupying the space in him, making its presence known to him and the whole wide world. 

Jamie's baby bump was getting bigger and bigger as well and was making its presence and making his life as a doctor a bit harder becuase he couldn't lift patients or do any manual labor anymore so he needed to rest, especially now his swollen ankles were giving him grief and he couldn't move around a lot and he needed to rest frequently in order to feel any semblance of comfort as he prepared for the wedding he was having with Eddie and Vinny and it was to be an ultra private ceremony, only the witnesses were allowed in the ceremony and Frank was upset that he wasn't allowed in the ceremony, so he decided to distract himself with work and meetings in the meantime.


End file.
